I’ve had a really hard time probably over the last 6 months when it comes to the bedroom. It started when he became less interested, and honestly just kinda stopped putting in effort. I kicked up my effort, put more effort into my appearance, and did some research to try new things.
He’s gotten really… comfy. He’s by nature a sweaty/stinkier person and he’s been not showering for 2-4 days at a time. He swears it’s ‘better for your skin’ but all I can smell is scalp and this cheesy/hamster cage/oniony like odor that emits from his genitalia’s and armpits. His hair looks wet if he doesn’t shower for 24 hours, and leaves stains on pillows (his is yellow under the case). He’s a white guy with straight hair and oil prone skin, not like he was curly hair etc.
He hasn’t gotten a haircut or regularly shaved, he hasn’t trimmed his pubes in about a year. He’s also often forgetting to brush his teeth at night. There is a lot of hair, stink and – due to not showering- there are his lose hairs everywhere (I get like 7 in my mouth whenever we do things and it really grosses me out to dig a pube looking hair off the back of my tongue). His ball sack in particular has this odor so badly EVEN after showering and the whole gooch area is constantly damp. Usually if I go down on him or something he doesn’t shower off for a day or two and the smell is atrocious.
The other part is he doesn’t keep up with foot care, and has so many calluses that literally ‘shed’ into our bed. When his feet touch me I get creeped out and his calluses have cut my legs before. Like his side of the bed has all these crispy dead skin chunks by his foot area.
He definitely wasn’t really like this when we started dating and he use to wear nice boxers, use cologne etc. he had a whole skincare routine and we use to do facials together. Now sometimes if I ask him to brush his teeth before going down on me he groans about it and asks like I’m asking the world of him.
Meanwhile I’m freshly showered, shaved, lotioned, and have my nails nicely trimmed. I put effort into my appearance and take pride in hygiene.
I’ve tried suggesting we do ‘beauty nights’ and have offered to help him shave/do skincare. I bought lume deodorant and suggested he try some down there because I liked the smell and have been using it. I’ve offered to give him a pedicure (I find beauty rituals fun). He’s always saying ‘nah it’s fine, idc about it’ or insisting that he doesn’t stink, so it shouldn’t be fixed.
I’ve been insanely gentle about anything I’ve said and mostly haven’t said anything. He’s super sensitive to perceived criticisms, and I assume some of this is due to mental health problems. But it’s really been hard to feel attracted to him in the bedroom. Especially because he can be so ‘judgey’ about other people and their appearance that it just seems hypocritical.