A little background information, we've been together for 7 years now, done both long distance and lived with each other and knew right from the beginning we'd want to spend the rest of lives together. She has always been the party planner and event organizer in our relationship, she loves creating events and that sort of stuff has never been up my ally. We both discussed marriage and the next step in our relationship was getting engaged. So earlier this year we both went engagement ring shopping (she was adamant on picking a setting). So we went off and shopped/looked around for a couple weeks. In February she had decided on her style of ring and I unbeknownst to her went out and bought the ring. It arrived in March and it was perfect I honestly could not hold in my excitement I wanted to propose to her the minute I had that ring. I told a handful of people that I had the ring and tried to keep it on the down low so word didn't get out or back to her that I had the ring.
Over the next couple of months I tried to pick up on what her ideal proposal was, without her figuring out I had the ring or if the proposal was in fact happening this year (I really wanted to surprise her as its really hard to do so.) She had three things that were must haves, be intricate/planned, no parents, and have a photographer. We were fine with public/private proposals (just no restaurants). So I set out and tried to plan this out without involving too many people (I wanted to in a sense prove to her I could plan this myself). My first thought was to propose in the mountains and have a proposal photographer capture the moment but that fell through. When I brought up the trip to the mountains she didn't want to go and suggested we take a trip to Spokane WA instead (we're from Canada) and I agreed. I tried to figure out a way to propose to her on this trip but could not come up any ideas. So I had roughly two weeks before this trip to propose (I thought it would sweet to take a trip to the States as an engaged couple). We would leave on a Monday and I planned to propose on Saturday. And with our busy work schedules (I work/live in a different city which is 3ish hours away) it was this weekend prior to our trip or I would have to wait until mid-august to propose. I was just too excited to wait any longer and committed to that weekend.
I read a ton of proposal stories online and the do's and don'ts. I ended up picking a picnic proposal. I set out and bought a wedding arch, picnic supplies, lights, flowers and set up what I thought was a great display (she was getting suspicious about why I was getting amazon packages in the weeks prior to our trip and I was hiding the supplies in my garage (we live separately at the moment) . I spent a week looking over 3 spots within the city she lived where I could set up an outdoor proposal and decided on a park (day of the proposal). I had asked her friends about what they thought and they said it was sweet and they loved it. I even got one of her friends to convince my GF to get their nails done a week prior to that Saturday. My GF thought it was weird and texted me why she'd need to get her nails done and and that this friend was really pushing for it, I replied with "just want you to have nice nails for when you get proposed to, whether its this summer or the fall." I did not hire a professional photographer as I couldn't budget it and figured we could take professional engagement pictures at a later date when we were both ready (dressed up and at a location of her choosing) and we could include our dogs. And since I decided on the park the day of the proposal, getting a professional photographer to meet up at a specific location and time with such short notice didn't seem plausible to me at the time.
So I thought I was on the right track. Earlier in the day I met up with her and told her a buddy of mine was having a BBQ at this park and we were invited. My GF said she would come straight from work as she did not want to go home and change (I tried to convince her) but she was relucent. So I decided to go to her house and pick out a summer dress she'd like (for pictures after the proposal, if she wanted to change), picked up the charcuterie board I had order that same morning, deserts (cheesecakes) and a bottle of champagne for the picnic. With the help of my brothers we set up the picnic and she was there an hour later around 7pm (literally 2 minutes after we had finished setting up). My brothers left at that point. I asked her to text me when she was in the parking lot and I'd come grab her, that way I could tell her all the things I wanted to say while we walked over to the spot we'd set up the picnic. But she didn't and she ventured into the park and I caught a glimpse of her. I ran over to her (thankfully she walked in the opposite direction of where we had set up), I was really sweating at this point. I caught up to her and told her everyone was back the way I came. She was totally caught her off guard when we turned the corner and she realized what was happening.
The entire time I was nervous, I had set up a tri-pod to get pictures on my phone but in my haste didn't focus the camera so the pictures came out a little blurry and my phone didn't record the proposal (the Bluetooth remote that I had to start recording didn't record (she brought it up later and said she was disappointed but we got some decent pictures that our friends took afterwards) I told her I loved her and I would love her today and the rest of our tomorrows, I held her hand and walked her to the front of the arch and proposed, in our nervousness/excitement I didn't even put the ring on her finger, my GF in her excitement had grabbed the ring from the box and put it on herself, which we both laughed about later and found to be hilarious. We had our little intimate picnic (popped the champagne, ate from the charcuterie board, and handed out 10 or so roses to people passing by (I thought it'd be cute), we spent an hour together and then some of our close friends came to celebrate. Everyone loved it and my GF even said it was amazing (she ended up changing into the dress I brought and we all took pictures with the display and we re-enacted the proposal while our friends took some pictures of me putting the finger on her finger). I genuinely thought I nailed it and we were both so happy to enter this new chapter of our lives.
But yesterday (two weeks after the proposal), while we were together and out she brought up some critiques about the proposal and I couldn't provide an answer during that conversation. She was disappointed there wasn't a photographer there and that it didn't count as planned because I had chosen the location of the proposal the day of. I was a little taken back and I apologized and she mentioned that a co-worker asked if her dog was apart of the proposal (her dog is really reactive and does not do well in public places with other dogs). Again, I figured that we could include both of our dogs during the engagement photo shoot and told her that. I kind of feel like I disappointed her, she mentioned she was grateful for the ring and the effort I'd put in but it just didn't live up to her expectations. I mentioned that I could propose again, but she says that its okay and she'll plan the engagement party (happening in Sept) and it'll be better. She mentioned that the proposal wasn't reflective of her personality and what she liked (I figured she'd love the display aspect of the proposal as she loves planning parties and creating sets with backdrops). I guess I got tunnel visioned in that I wanted to surprise/ catch her off guard and put an emphasis on that.
I have this feeling that I need to make it up to her and I really do think I tried my best but fell short of her standards. The last10 or so months she'd send me reels on Instagram of these grand proposals and I tried to incorporate some of the stuff from those but couldn't spend too much (tried to work within a budget and I'm paying a mortgage) The last couple of months were stressful and planning everything without her catching on was I have to admit a little fun. My question is how do we move forward? I don't want to make this about me but I feel inadequate. Do I bring it up again or should we move past it? I'd like if she'd understand that I did try and I really did think it was the perfect proposal without having to feel pity.