Lately our sex life hasn’t been the best. We (me F 25, him M 36) haven’t really been active the last few weeks which isn’t typical for us. We’ve been together for 2 years. He’s been stressed out from work, and it’s been an unfortunate time of the month for me. Every time I’ve tried to get off manually, it’s impossible because either he interrupts me right as i’m close and I can’t get back in the mood, or our toddler is running around on a rampage. Today, I decided to go purchase a vibrator. I told him when he got home from work, and he told me I was a selfish b**ch, and that he was done. Went on about how he’s sorry he can’t satisfy me and that I should go marry my vibrator…. that I’ve used 1 time. Now I’m looking for a place to live at 10pm. I honestly thought it was harmless, but now I’m feeling a little ashamed for pleasuring myself. I figured it was a better alternative that getting it somewhere else?
Is it not normal in a long term relationship to masturbate? I’m really questioning my decision and feeling regret.
33 comments
Huge red flag. If he is going to break up with you over a vibrator, he has issues. Take your kid and run!
What he is doing is absolutely wild.
I gifted my wife a sex toy literally two days ago, and another about about a week ago. We have high sex drives but still… I couldn’t imagine kicking someone out over something like that. We use them together, we use them solo, we tease with them etc.
Masturbating should not be a sudden deal breaker, especially if this has not been mentioned to you before. What a field of land mines that becomes. What else could be in his mind as a deal breaker that’s actually a very normal thing?
What is not normal is marrying a child.
Sounds like you are better off without him and his insecurities. Take your child to a home where the adults respect each other.
No one should call you a b*tch, let alone your partner.
Move on and find someone mature enough to handle a relationship.
Let this be the warning of what to expect should you stay.
My husband and I have been together for over 5 years, he bought me a vibrator for my birthday under the rule that I only use it for myself, since he’s not able to make me orgasm and I’m only able to do it by myself.
There is nothing wrong with you pleasuring yourself, you know your body better than anyone else and you know in that exact moment what you want and what make s YOU feel good.
I have a good time, i have an array of pleasure machines since my Husband knows he can’t make me come, which is normal for females and your man should be happy with you making yourself happy and being able to relax yourself.
You’re not a bad person, wife, gf, mom or anything by being able to enjoy yourself and what you like!
___
Edit since I said it’s normal for females and before I get some salt I didn’t request.
I’m more comfortable alone, my husband has tried everything to get me to orgasm in bed with no avail and he’s 100% okay and happy with me being comfortable with me pleasuring myself. This is normal, or at least I hope it is and I’m beyond happy with my decently expensive toys.
I’m anxious when we have sex, even if we’ve been together forever and I took his virginity and have been his ‘one and only’ I know what I like, and I’m not sorry about it even a little bit.
Wow… he’s real immature here. If he’s threatened by a vibrator then he needs a lot of work. Don’t feel bad about anything, and certainly don’t be ashamed for pleasuring yourself. Masturbation is normal, and healthy. Even in long term relationships.
He needs to learn it’s a clitorUS not clitorI. Men reading this, it’s a teammate not a rival.
Lots of red flags, take your toddler and new friend and jump ship.
It’s normal in a long term relationship to masterbate. He should never call you names. It’s completely UNHINGED that he broke up with you over this and clearly has bigger issues. It’s selfish and manipulative to be jealous of a woman’s vibrator. And you two have a toddler? Which means a man in his mid thirties got a girl in her early 20’s pregnant pretty much right when you guys got together. So many red flags. He sounds like a predator and abuser. You gotta get out of there before he starts hurting you and your kid in worse ways
OP, I gasped when I saw your post–this exact thing could have been written by me(*except for the child*), trust me, you’ll thank yourself later for getting out of that. (*I know I certainly did*). (*If you want to vent, let me know*)
You have clearly picked one very weak, childish pathetic excuse of boy…
If he is incapable of pleasing you and will not let you do it yourself it says a lot about how shitty a boy he is …
You need to realise that your choice of partner is an important thing ..
Don’t give a fuck ’bout it. It’s absolutely normal to masturbate in relationship and even good in you situation. Also he could try to use it in sex, but not to be angry with you🧐
He’s silly insecure, and gaslighting you. This isnt healthy and would be better ending sooner than later.
Why are you leaving? Tell him to get out if he’s so butt hurt about a vibrator.
I bought my wife most of her toys. Married 32 years.
Do not feel ashamed, you have done absolutely nothing wrong.
Any normal adult male would use it to help you, not fling you out because of it – and you can tell him I said this.
There’s nothing wrong with you. A vibrator is merely a tool in the toolbox. My wife and I look at it as an enhancement, and I don’t view it as a replacement
He’s way out of bounds
Lmao. I need more coffee. You know how people say “He broke up with me over text” I read this headline “He broke up with me over vibrator” and wanted to read it so bad to figure out how.
Was it like morse code? How could you focus enough to differentiate the dots and dashes and spell a whole break up sentence? Did he do it over vibrator as like a going away present?
Inquiring minds need to know
There is one thing to rather chose a vibrator over having sex and that. but since there is no sex and you have a hard time doing it alone, it’s all his fault and he really overreacted on that. You should be allowed to buy it and no reason for you to not since you have all reasons to do so.
Why haven’t you guys been active sexually?
Oh sweetheart this is the part where you keep the vibrator and throw the whole man away! Last night my husband and I used my vibrator together during sex to make sure we both had a good time and honey that is how it should be! He’s creating his own self fulfilling policy where you’re gonna leave him for a better model and trust me sister a plastic one who doesn’t have a shit attitude is a huge upgrade.
11 years older get wreckd
I’m in a great marriage with lots of great sex, she uses vibrators all the time, both by herself and with me, I don’t see what the big deal is. Big time insecurity
Red flag galore 🚩
– 🚩huge age difference – 23 year dating 34 year old, has kid within 1 year (OP together for 2 years, talk about moving WAY too fast)
– 🚩controlling (shames you for masturbation)
– 🚩threatened by you having some control of your own body
– 🚩insults OP and freaks out rather than talk about insecurities
– 🚩kicks you out late at night (YOU GAVE BIRTH TO HIS CHILD! WTF) so you suffer looking for a place. Pure punishment. He will likely try to bring you back to show he is “merciful”. It is a control tactic, like smacking a dog when it pees in the house. That’s what you are to him.
Sorry Op. None of this is normal, and frankly the guy is an AH for doing this. You are in an abusive relationship. He views you as his sex-maid and so how dare you find sexual fulfillment outside of him (/sarcasm). You need to show yourself some self respect and bite back/divorce/seperate or else your kid will think this is normal and will repeat this cycle. You are your child’s role model. If you stay, you are showing that being treated like this is acceptable in a relationship.
PS as a guy in a happy relationship, we bring toys in the bedroom for couple’s activities as well as for GF’s solo pleasure. Pleasure is pleasure and IMO the more she gets, the better! She is not made for my exclusive sexual fulfillment, and neither are you for him.
The reason he dates a woman who is over a decade younger than him is because he wants them to be completely dependent on him for pleasure and happiness. Congratulations on outgrowing him!
I find this odd because I bought a vibrator FOR my girlfriend. I find it so hot that she uses it on occasion, AND we even include it when we have sex too.
He should have said that’s awesome let use it together. Or I’ll watch as you get yourself off. Why should you be ashamed for having needs?
How do so many people end up in relationships where the guy is 10+ years older than the woman?
How do people not get instant creep vibes? There are so many people your own age who are more mature than this guy.
I’d even venture out and say this guy is single at 36 because he’s a lunatic.
The big age gap dynamics aside, masturbation is super normal and healthy. Him overreacting and feeling demasculinized by a vibrator says a lot more about HIM than it does about your very very normal desire for masturbation. You are not disgusting and you should feel no shame at all. Everyone masturbates. I’m currently on a masturbation hiatus though because I can’t help but think about my guy during, and we’re going through a break up right now, and I can’t have that intense chemical bonding going on while I’m trying to figure out my life, and visualize myself without him. Orgasming to the thought of a partner that is breaking up with you isn’t the healthiest moving on strategy haha
The age difference was clue #1 that this guy is a loser
Personally my partner and I have agreed not to watch porn in our committed relationship. But I have a much higher sex drive than he does. He doesn’t often masturbate because the feels our couple times a month are enough (work life sucks 😔) however, not once hashe ever shamed me for using a vibrator. And he has no reason to. We are both two different humans with two different needs. And as long as we are being respectful to our relationship it should not matter. It sounds like he’s trying to dictate your rights to touch yourself and that’s not cool at all. Next time he scratches his ass tell him it makes you uncomfortable to see him pleasure himself like that.
My ex was this way. He claimed vibrators cause less feeling for sex. It’s ridiculous a guy can feel jealous of a fucking toy. Cause he would masturbate every morning. In the end he gave in “let me have” some toys but honestly it’s a really immature way to look at it. Girls get off different than guys it’s just facts.
Yeah, there’s something up here. Something seems off. My ex was like this about my toys and either broke them or threw them away. However, we didn’t have sex and was banging other people behind my back. So, with that find a new place and a new man who works with your toys and not against them. They really are pleasurable for both parties. And buy ALL THE TOYS.
He needs to express his unmature thoughts in therapy. There’s nothing wrong with masturbation, when you explore your entire body and sexuality, you enjoy even more any thing you do with your couple.
When will men learn…the vibrator is a valuable tool to have in your arsenal. It’s a friend, not a foe.