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13 comments
One should not be manipulated and used at all. Sadly there are asshole people who enjoying manipulating and using.
get really really comfortable with honoring your own thoughts and emotions.
I feel like it starts with gaslighting yourself. If you don’t give yourself a lot of respect no one else is going to do it.
Be aware of your boundaries and principles. Communicate them and if they’re not respected, that person if not for you. Watch our for red flags (does this person tend to twist the truth? do they treat other people poorly? do they tend to try and shift the blame/make themselves the victim in something they’re responsible for doing?).
Don’t be “cool”. If someone perceives you to be a cool girl, then they will take advantage of you cause you’re so “understanding” aka tolerant of their bs. Become useless to the user.
Setting boundaries and being a little harsh(for your own protection) won’t weed out all the manipulators, but its necessary to have them regardless.
It’s not something that can necessarily be fully avoided, but there are choices you can make to help you be less likely to fall for it.
Set and enforce boundaries. Remove yourself from situations where your boundaries are not respected. Stand up for yourself. Know yourself and your boundaries and limits. Learn to recognize toxic and manipulative behaviors and avoid those who exhibit those behaviors. Trust yourself; if something feels wrong to you, listen to that feeling rather than ignoring it.
Know what you stand for and don’t waver.
Learn to happy on your own. Once you know that you don’t _need_ someone else, it is much easier to identify the people you _want_ to have in your life.
When someone starts trying to get you to do something that makes you uncomfortable, you can say “no” because the worst that can happen is that they leave you and you already know that you’re happy alone anyway.
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…at all. One should not be manipulated and used at all.
You learn to set boundaries and say “no.” You learn that *your needs matter too*. Boundaries aren’t the same as brick walls, and they aren’t the same as being mean or crabby. They can sound like…
* “Unfortunately, I will not be able to come in early today.”
* “I need at least 24 hours notice if you need me to babysit.”
* “I’d rather not discuss that at work.”
* “I can’t come over this weekend, but how about next weekend?”
* “Hey, I know you really like anime and you’re really passionate about it and that’s great. But can we please talk about something else?”
* “My prices are fixed. If you cannot agree to them, I can point you in the direction of someone who might be able to take on your project for less.”
* “Unfortunately, I cannot take on any unpaid work at this time.”
* “If you won’t use a condom, we won’t be having sex.”
* “Before we start having unprotected sex, let’s get tested together. I’ll drive.”
* “I can’t loan you any money, but is there something else I can do for you?”
* “If you disrespect me or my partner, we will leave, and we will not be coming back.”
* “I think you’re a great person, but I just don’t see us together.”
* “That’s none of your business.”
* “Look, this is between you and So-And-So. I’m not going to get involved.”
* “I don’t answer work-related emails or phone calls outside of work hours.”
* “Please do not contact me again.”
* “Thank you for inviting me to your Pure Romance party, it was kind of you to think of me, but I don’t support MLM businesses.”
* “Thank you for inviting me to your baby shower, but I will not be able to make it. I’ll still send you something, though.”
* “Can we please not share childbirth war stories in the middle of lunch?”
* “Let’s wait at least another year before we think about marriage.”
* “You got yourself into this mess, and you’ll get yourself out. Good luck to you.”
* “No thanks, I don’t drink.”
* “You seem really nice, but I don’t date coworkers.”
* “Please stop asking when we’re going to have a baby. If/when we do, you’ll be the first to know. Until then, please respect our privacy.”
* “Please, no hugs.”
* “If you don’t like it, you can make something else, or order a pizza. My kitchen is not a restaurant.”
* “Please don’t touch my baby bump.”
* “I know you want to help, and I appreciate that, but I’ve got everything under control.”
* “Thanks for asking me, but I already have plans.” (They don’t need to know that those “plans” involve you watching TV and not wearing pants.)
* “Why do you think that’s funny?”
* “It really upsets me when you ________.”
* “That’s not funny.”
* “I forgive you, but I don’t think we can be friends again.”
* “I need to get back to my desk.”
* “This does not concern you.”
* “That’s not what we agreed to.”
* “That’s your responsibility, not mine.”
Insight, self awareness, self respect, and capacity to defend your personal boundaries.
Sometimes you just won’t know until it’s too late, but those things will prevent you from being taken advantage by most people.
Be secure with your identity and your needs and wants. Being agreeable/a people pleaser to avoid conflict is a sure way to be walked all over. It’s hard to break away from if it’s a routine that’s become normal, but let people know that you are uniquely you and you are allowed to disagree or think differently. Exist as your own person. Don’t change yourself for other people. Don’t let them know you can be fixed to their liking.
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