Update: we are no longer together 🙈
Partner 32M does not agree with my 32F child (4) receiving gifts?
Hello Reddit,
Throwaway account for reasons.
I 32F and my partner 32M are in a disagreement. We have been together less than a year. I am a single parent of a 4YO child who's never met their father and does not have any relationship with him.
Bio dad (BD) is in contact with me, but does not wish to pursue any relationship with our shared child. This is fine. This works for us. He lives across the country.
BD sent gifts to my home for my child last Christmas, and it worked out well. My child received additional items that I would not necessarily have been able to afford all on my own. My child's birthday is coming soon, and BD would like to send gifts.
My partner is not okay with this. I informed him of the incoming packages so he is not completely blindsided, as my contact with BD has been an issue in the past. He does not like me speaking to BD or sending photos, frequent updates, etc. Since this issue came up I have cut down substantially on our contact, however I do send him medical documents, updates, etc., when they are relevant.
When I let my partner know about the gifts, he asked me why BD knows our address, said he needed to think, and said he is not interested in being in a "triangle". He asked me why I want him sending things and that this makes "zero sense" as to why I would allow this.
My response was that I did not understand how sending birthday gifts was a problem, it would be no different than if BD just sent me extra cash to buy the gifts. My partner said birthday gifts come from people who are close, like friends or family. He also asked me why I didn't ask him before BD purchased the gifts.
He ended up saying he cannot rationalize this in his head and it does not make sense to me, but it does not make sense to me why it's an issue. I see it as saving me money and my child getting what they want.
So, Reddit, what is your take?
Edit: my partner commented below, throwrasneakycrab