For me- it was today when I asked him to send my mom a birthday message – cause she’s had a rough last couple of months with health issues and I thought a cute message from him and our dog would make her feel better.
And his answer was that he didn’t feel like doing that cause he was busy and preoccupied while reaching for the remote to watch tv 📺 for a couple hours 😳.
I don’t know why I let it get this far. 😞
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Honestly, two days after our wedding.
I had a stack of gifts I needed to write thank-you cards for. I suggested that I write the cards from my friends and family, and he write the ones from his. His response?
“I’m not going to write any of them, you can do them all” then he got high and fell asleep.
I stayed for 8 more years of zero/low effort. God I’m dumb!
Oh man, call me stupid because I had so many signs that my ex was such a piece of shit.
When I had made his favorite food and set up video games for him and he just complained.
Or when I was 6 months pregnant and on New Years he wanted to party and I asked him to just come home before midnight so we could be together and he didn’t show up till 3 am.
When I had taken us to a spot in the mountains where you could see all the fire works shows going on in the valley with beer and snacks and blankets and everything and he kept telling me how stupid it was.
And just shit like that. I could go on and on because I dealt with him for 5 years but yeah.
At least you know now that you deserve so much better. I’m sorry you’re going through this!
When we made plans and he couldn’t bother to answer his phone or tell me why he was late or if he was even coming or not. Did this sooo many times I now have an irrational fear of someone not showing up when we made plans lol among countless other shit but the worst was looking forward to a day and time only to constantly be let down bc something or someone better came up then spending time with me. Woopy
Oh very very soon in our marriage.
He is a sweet man a very good son and brother.. but when it comes to being a good husband it’s just bare minimum. To be honest it’s not even bare minimum.
He forgot anniversaries. Never once brought me a gift for my birthday or our anniversary. Took his mother grocery shopping on my birthday and shows up late for the party I had planned for myself because he couldn’t bother to. Was late for my convocation and never brought me even a single flower for my achievement.
There is that.
I hand made him chocolate bonbons for Valentine’s Day, he got me nothing because “it is about giving gifts and not receiving them” and “one should not wait for certain calendar days to give gifts”. Mind you, this was a guy who brought me a scanner from the dumpster because “it looked like it worked”.
So. Lesson learned. The trash walked itself out eventually, and for now on out I will only give gifts to my lady friends on Valentine’s etc.
When after almost seven years together I had bought us a house and spent the better part of 5 years renovating it with nearly zero help from her.
No help with the lawn/yard
Used the cheap rent she paid at rhe house I bought as an excuse to not work full time and spent more time playing video games.
Stopped making an effort in her appearance or health
Saying she was tired and just wanted to relax as an excuse to spent 6 hours a night on the headset playing video games.
Once I realizes she spent more time helping renovate her friends in game house for their guild than the house I was trying to get set up for our life together I realized it was pretty much over.
Honestly I never realized it in my last relationship till it was past.
I remember a time they forgot my bday and lies by saying the gift was in the mail. I saw the Amazon order dates :/ wasn’t the case.
They were always concerned about themselves and I was ‘happy’ to keep playing into that. I always had something to fix and never stopped to consider what it the relationship was even doing for me. It was all about them and their *many* issues.
In my current relationship it’s so nice. We both look after each other and do kind things for each other. And when we have issues we address them together for a better outcome.
“My parents invited us to dinner.” Can’t, playing fortnite. “guess i’ll cancel again”
“Would you feed the pets.” Can’t, watching youtube. “Well when you’re ready to feed them for the first time ever let me know”
“Wanna help me clean the house, its a bit worse for ware.” Can’t, its been a long day.
“When would you like to clean the house?” I don’t know I work a lot. “Hey me too. So lets not clean I guess?”
If I didn’t have a job I would do more around the house. “OK, well you were on government checks for the last 2 years while I worked and the house was always filthy unless I cleaned it”
Dudes in the chat, just because shes a gamer gf doesn’t mean shes a responsible gf. Some times that really is all they have going. haha
When he wasn’t working for the month before he got deployed, and instead of keeping the apartment clean while I was working 6 days a week (and had been for months), All he did was play baldur’s gate 3. Great game but he literally left me with dirty apartment despite me begging him to clean the messes he kept making in the kitchen. He kept promising he’d clean up after himself. But instead he left me with a huge mess to clean up after. It took me 3 days to clean that kitchen… Anyway. I’ll be breaking up with him when he gets back from deployment.
I’m in this realization right now. So many things. Forgot my birthday, nothing for any holiday, forget anniversaries, blame me for everything, doesn’t do house work (wet both work) I do all the cooking which I like but he won’t do the dishes. And maybe this is stupid, he thinks it is, but wearing his seatbelt. He won’t unless I bug him. Not only have I lost people in accidents who weren’t wearing them, literally a few weeks ago his 23yo coworker died in an accident and he still won’t wear it. Knowing how much it makes me worry.
After 3 years of a broken toilet seat I went mental at him when I was cleaning it and asked him how could he stand seeing this broken seat all the time especially when he was cleaning the toilet.
He looked puzzled
So I said ‘we’ve lived here for 3 years, how many time have you cleaned the toilet’
Him: ‘uh probably twice’
Yeah. This dude works from home and has done for about 2 years now. We have two children and he’s cleaned the toilet twice in 3 years.
Terrible
The moment that all the anger and frustration just flowed out to be replaced with utter indifference and the calm knowledge that there was nothing worth salvaging with my ex husband was on evening in a discussion over dishes. He didn’t work. He didn’t do dishes because they were “gross”. He didn’t do much of anything productive, really. It was a longstanding issue which had immediately gotten way, way worse the second we got married, so the emotions were almost always riding high just under the surface.
I had had a really bad night with anxiety and only had an hour and a half of sleep. Despite that, I did the 1-hour commute each way to work 9 hours at an intense job, at which I only took a half lunch because I was so slammed. I came back and his mom had thankfully made dinner for us, and so I didn’t have to cook. We ate, and I told him I needed to sleep, and asked if he could do the dishes just this once. Leaving them was not an option because we rented from his mother, and she lived there, and would not tolerate overnight dishes. I told him I was shaking, had only had an hour of sleep, and just really NEEDED him to do those dishes.
“I’ll think about it.”
I was so enraged, but at the time so far past normal physical exhaustion, that I said I would see what I could do if he didn’t. I tried to sleep, but I was SO agitated at him that regardless of how dead I was physically, I couldn’t stop raging in my head long enough to sleep. So I finally got up after a few hours, and we sat at our computers in silence. He hadn’t done the dishes, and I was so past caring that I just left it alone.
At 11 p.m. he looks at me and says “Hey…did you ever do those dishes.”
And that was the moment I just knew there was no love left for him whatsoever, and the relationship was way past the point of even caring about saving. It was a moment of calm, because I no longer was feeling guilty, worrying about whether or not to leave, no longer needed anything from him and so didn’t get frustrated when he did nothing. I just felt nothing for him, and for a relationship which was ridiculous.
Whenever I ask him to watch a movie with me, he declines. It’s either something he chooses or it’s a no. and I never said no to any suggestion of his.
He also never invites me for dates or suggest something to do together.
I asked him to text.me.during the day, in a period of my.life that I was feeling really down (had major Depression), and he protested.and made a poll amongst his friends asking about how often they texted their SOs and he claimed he was doing great, as most rarely or barely texted, and so, he did not need to text me.
We’re divorced now.
When it was snowing and he stayed in bed whilst I cleared the snow off my car to drive us to work. It was quite early in the relationship and my best friend said if he’s like that now imagine what he’ll be like further in. I stayed with him for 2 years but finally dumped the selfish man-baby. Have no regrets 🙂 And neither will you x
A couple of times and I didn’t want to admit it to myself. One was when I asked him if we could write little love notes to each other. He said I could write them to him but he wouldn’t do the same for me because he would forget. Another was when he said he knows he could be better at communicating and that it would be an easier change to make and would make our relationship better but he just can’t change and that he didn’t want to. That last one was said during our breakup. He was a great human being and did a lot of amazing things but little things didn’t really matter to him and they meant the world to me. I made excuses for him still do.
With my ex:
“I feel like you put your career ahead of our marriage, I would like us to get counseling and work through it.”
“Can’t, I’ll be too busy with work.” 😂😂😂
When I realized that if I treated our relationship the way he did, there would just… be no relationship. And finally that’s what I did. I stopped trying, I went and did what I wanted to do, I stopped nagging him to come with me to do things, stopped waiting up so we could go to bed together. There was nothing left. We were just two people who lived together. So then I left. Suddenly he wanted to be the World’s Best Boyfriend once I was moved out, but I was over it by then.
I felt so stupid and like I wasted so much time, I can sit and list you a whole bunch of times that SHOULD have been the last straw but they were. 5 years and most of it wasn’t good. But who knows. Maybe I needed to waste some time to end up where I am now.
I spent 5 days redecorating the bedrooms really well. All he had to do was pick up the kids from school and feed them dinner. They weren’t very young kids. He worked for a couple of hours some evenings so was home all day. He never took them to school as he liked to sleep in.
On the 5th day he came in the room I was just finishing and instead of admiring it, he said he had had to do 5 pickups and dinners this week and it was too much and not to expect him to do it again. (I usually did all childcare) He never decorated or did DIY either. Or cleaning etc. he did nothing.
Also, the day after I had our second baby, I still had to do the school run – with baby in tow as I was breast feeding and he wanted to sleep in as usual.
No matter how lonely I get, I’d take being single forever over being with someone like that again.
My last relationship I compare to being a frog in water that was slowly heating up. My partner just got worse and worse, but so slowly that I adjusted, and then finally did something so small, but so horribly selfish that it snapped me to the realization that I was being boiled alive.
When my ex broke my trust and boundaries everyday, left me crying in my bed. And whenever he broke my trust, he said: “You should just trust me again. You can do it by yourself.” Meanwhile he did it again and again and wanted me to be less jealous.
And he promised me things, in the end his actions were otherwise. And he blamed me for his mistakes.
I was back from the hospital after a collision with a dump truck. I was hurting, and zoned out on painkillers, and the task of preparing dinner (I did almost all the cooking) fell to her. She threw some spaghetti in a frying pan with a can of hot-dog chili and left the house to go do roller derby shit. I ate it, ruminating on just how little effort she was willing to put in.
For Valentine’s Day we were traveling home, landed around 3pm. He used that as his excuse to get me absolutely nothing, not even a card. We spent that night in separate rooms while he watched hockey and I watched real housewives. Worst Valentine’s Day ever. This year I bought myself flowers and cooked a nice meal, being alone is a huge improvement.
I was in undergrad, had been dating this girl for about a year and we lived in the same apartment building across the hall from each other so we practically lived together. From August of that year until April when this happened, either I cooked for us or we ate fast food, she could not cook to save her life (which would’ve been fine if she did literally any other chores to even it out but she never did). One night I had a ton of homework to do and just told her to figure out her own dinner and I would do the same. I was sitting in my apartment working when I get a video chat from her telling me that she’s cooking us dinner but she had questions, so I then proceeded to give her step by step directions to cook the entire meal… It was a frozen meal with the instructions on the bag…