We've been dating for 6 months, and she's had issues with people disrespecting her boundaries in the past. She's shared that her previous partner tried to force sex and she had to physically defend herself and get away. I asked if she'd been to therapy for this and she hasn't. I've tried to be as patient as possible, encouraging her that we can take it slow, and so far I have always let her take the lead to make sure she feels comfortable. I made it a point that we don't have to rush to have sex, and she told me when she felt ready and for a while we were having regular sex without issues
About a month ago she was having some family issues that started giving her panic attacks, and she would at times get very angry at me for no apparent reason. She would threaten to break up and then beg me not to leave. She was able to get some medicine to help with the anxiety and that has calmed down a bit, but since this started we haven't really been having sex. There was one time I had tried to initiate and she got triggered and we immediately stopped, but she was still upset. She told me she scheduled a therapy appointment for next week, after much procrastination.
Since this started I've been feeling pretty unappreciated. I'd been helping her with staying on top of her responsibilities while going thru it all and been emotionally available to listen, but she hasn't been able to do the same for me. I feel bad when I try to express my negative emotions and she gets defensive. It's been feeling generally tense and distant.
She's expressed a lot of frustration about not being able to have sex, while at the same time saying she doesn't want to have sex until after she starts therapy. She's never had a problem with me watching porn in the past, but now she's saying it makes her feel jealous and insecure. Like it was ok when we were having sex but now it's not fair because she can't and I still get to?
It's been difficult not being able to share physical intimacy and not feeling listened to. Things were a lot worse when it all started and she's been getting better so I have hope it'll keep improving. But I'm not sure how to offer her reassurance when it seems like the very thing she wants is what upsets her, and I'm not sure how to bring up my concerns without her getting defensive…