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I’m getting tired of breaking things off with people I get along great with because of different long term goals like having kids.
Meeting people and getting along isn’t the issue, just the dating with intention that’s exhausting.
I have 2 amazing children and don’t want any more at this point but when meeting woman in their early 30’s that want kids, I’m wasting their time.
for those who still looking but maybe physical attraction needs to be at a certain standard , how do you deal with family telling you to not care about that and look for personality since that is more important than looks.
like my sister wants to reintroduce me to someone she introduced 5 years ago. At that time I didn’t feel attraction nor her hobbies were much (work,stay home and clean and cook for her sister). my sister says she’s still single and want to settle down. I said she’s still single that’s telling you something and she said I am single too- so maybe having someone who isn’t out with lots of guys is better and have great personality.
do you have someone in your life like that? it feels my sister want me to get “anybody” who can accept me and thats good enough.
I (33F) started going on dates with a guy (35M) in May. All of our dates have gone well and if anything, moved a bit fast. I say this because by date three we were staying full weekends at one another’s place. Mostly due to distance (we live two hours away from one another and have to take a ferry).
From the start he has mentioned he is having a “hot boy summer” but does want to find someone to marry. He hasn’t been fully clear on what his hot boy summer means. Is it just an excuse to have lots of sex? Idk. I’ve been clear with him that I am looking for a long term relationship. Our dates have been very
“couple-y”. During our dates he brings up the next one, but doesn’t initiate any timing for it. Typically a day or two after our weekends, I’ll ask when he is available for the next date and he’ll promptly respond and get something on the calendar.
However the more we date the worse the communication in between dates gets. And when I pointed this out he called it a
“chartreuse” flag of mine. Idk, I personally like a little ongoing foreplay and flirting between seeing one another versus days of nothing. If I pebble and send him something like a meme that reminded me of him I just get a reply. He hardly initiates any text conversation. I’d like to clarify he doesn’t leave me on read and tends to respond quickly, unless he is asleep or in a meeting.
He recently went away for a week, we didn’t talk due to him not having reception, which was fine. I was busy that week with hobbies and having friends in from out of town. He contacted me a day after he got back and we talked for an hour on the phone.
He told me about his trip and how he “hot boy summered it up”.
Aka was a fuck boy and having sex. Not a lovely thing to hear, but he has been clear the whole time we are dating that that is what
During our catch up, he mentioned he’d be able to come into town to see me perform in a local play I am apart of. I sent him the link to the times and dates of the show and for a week he hasn’t confirmed when he would be coming. So we still don’t have our next date on the books and it’s almost been a month since we’ve last seen one another, which sucks.
It just feels off with how couple-y he is around me. Is he like that with others? More so? I’m not even sure how many others he is seeing. I am also going on other dates and still on the apps so l am not putting all my eggs in one basket, but l’m starting to get burnt out and truly would rather focus on getting to know this guy more. He ticks a lot of the boxes with shared values. We have some similar hobbies. I feel comfortable and safe around him and my body doesn’t react viscerally in his presence. I can trust he is honest with me. But is this enough if he isn’t showing much interest and doesn’t seem curious to get to know me more?
Am I wasting my time with a fuck boy or someone who is possibly doing a slow burn thing?
lately therapy has been feeling more like “fixing myself to earn love” which is hard to deal with. like, I do want to be a better person for my own sake, but 99% of my motivation to go to therapy is to figure out why I’m struggling to attract people and date, so it really does feel like all the work is for the purpose of finally being “good enough” to “earn” affection from the people I care about. I don’t really know how to get out of this mindset because I can’t lie to myself about the reasons I’m in therapy – it’s not for some fun journey of introspection, it’s because I’m desperate to finally get to express love towards the people I care about without being slammed with rejection, to kiss and touch and hug people, to have an outlet for my sexuality as a normal adult human and don’t know how to get there
Lol asking to be friends was such a ploy in my situationship, which I figured it was. I responding to something cool he posted on his stories. He left me on delivered, but hey I thought we were friends right? Don’t friends talk about cool stuff? He’s been the first person to look at anything I posted too and I had to think after all of this how this is all stupid high school bs that i played into. So I finally got the guts to block. Should’ve done that the day he pulled the let’s be friends crap.
[Update](https://old.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/1e8o92k/daily_sticky_thread_for_rants_raves_celebrations/lebeb2k/)
I was away on a business trip Wednesday-Friday. When I got home there was a letter in the mailbox. I kept our place after we split up, so she knows the address. No stamp or postal markings, she must have been here to drop it off. Wondering if she knew through the grapevine that I was away or if she was hoping to talk in person.
I drafted this message, gonna get a lawyer buddy to OK it before I send it out. But ya’ll are pretty smart, so I thought I’d bounce it off the brain trust here.
“Hey EXS NAME, I have read your messages of DATE and DATE and DATE and chose not to respond. I came home on DATE and found a letter from you in my mailbox. I wish you all the best in your life, but I am no longer a part of your life. We both agreed to that in our divorce proceedings, that there would be a complete break, a total severing of ties. That remains my desire. If your desires have changed that is something you need to handle without me.
Further contact electronically or in person is not desired or welcomed by me. I would prefer not to get the court system involved, but that is the next step if there are continued attempts from you or anyone acting on your behalf at communication. I am particularly troubled that you or someone acting on your behalf placed a letter in my mailbox at my home. You or your anyone acting for you is not welcome on my property, or on the property of my workplace, my family, or my friends. “
I like someone I can’t have and I’m being chased by someone I don’t want. The cycle is interesting.
Weird question I’ve been reflecting on because I obviously can never actually get an honest answer from the people who do this or it wouldn’t send me, lol…
Basically, on the rare occasion some person passes a vibe check and I’d like to get to know them, I still sometimes worry I’ve done something off-putting or have overshared or am generally too Not Normal (ALL FAIR because I totally do on occasion, but realistically that’s anxiety), but I pick up on some reassurance through words and action and come around to feel accepted and safe and yeah hey this person really does like me as a person how cool. It seems IMMEDIATELY after I feel that I’m safe and I can trust this and start to be chill and vulnerable and enjoy something, whether platonic or romantic, before I even have a chance haha, there’s what feels like a complete 180 whiplashy thing where suddenly there’s a vague sense of distance and then without a conversation at all it’s just NOPE, OVER. It always seems to be RIGHT AFTER I’m convinced it’s a good thing but before I adapt my behavior and fully let walls down armor off. Usually on the rare occasion I try to ask for any sort of feedback or explanation or whatever they say it’s a red flag to ask and they’re not a therapist (but like, the question I haven’t even asked yet is about your behavior lol) or no response at all,
Now I’m afraid I give off some sort of danger signal that folks need to like, keep me calm like a wild animal and then make a quick escape? Lol
I genuinely want to be better but I don’t know if it’s a me problem or just that other people kinda suck, especially when they gotta reject someone?
Probably they just fooled me and the trash is taking itself out. Or at least that’s the takeaway that would be considered healthy if I have self-respect. But man, this is just like, recreating/contributing to the problem, ya know? Why are people like this??!
Obviously I’m autistic, and I do have some relational trauma baggage + c-ptsd but I’m a good person and really only capable of being honest in relationships.
It’s difficult because I kinda need healthy neutral interactions to be able to fully heal old relationship trauma I’ve done so much work on, right? But at the same time I know I’m not entitled to any sort of relationship. Maybe I’m just too highly sensitive to all of this but that breaks my heart a bit haha
My gf often shuts down and needs space after sex. I’m just not really used to that behavior. Things typically are back to normal a bit later but it just feels concerning to me and I can’t help but feel there’s something I did
I had to fire someone at work yesterday. A single parent who made a stupid mistake that undermines my trust. But their actions put me in an impossible situation; rather than be honest with me, they chose not to voice their questions. They abused my trust and my hands were tied.
I also met someone! I thought the chemistry and connection were going great. We had hung out, we were building a physical connection, and I thought we jived well personally and emotionally. We had a somewhat strange meetup a few days ago though where we briefly kissed at the end. The next day I left a voice note that I’m open to keeping our connection going. I am definitely projecting from past slow fades, but I don’t expect to hear back.
I’m mostly feeling disappointed? In a professional and personal setting I opened myself up to others. In a single week, both people have shown an unwillingness to be honest about their intentions. Perhaps they don’t even know what their intentions are?
I’ll sit with this over the weekend but then pick up my search again. Disappointment is normal, and it will pass.