Hey, I need some advice. My husband and I were not sure about children before getting married. We met in our mid-thirties. When I was 38 (2019), I decided I wanted them. He said he wasn’t ready, kept giving excuses, and this dragged on until it blew up in 2022. At that point we started fighting ever other weekend. I love him and he is truly my best friend. We have a great life, generally speaking.
We went to therapy and that helped a bit but it didn’t entirely help me let go of feelings of resentment. By then, it was clear to me that my childbearing years were over and I hated the fact that he wasn’t straight with me or cared about it as much as I did.
Anyway, we both decided to stay in the relationship but every so often I get triggered by something and I start stuff all over again. I often don’t realize that I’m bringing up the same thing over and over and he tries to be very patient. I feel devastated in the moment and he feels like he has to relive this over and over. It sucks. 90% of the time we’re fine. He’s a great man and great husband otherwise. It’s just these episodes of extreme sadness, anger, and disappointment. I feel like an emotionally unstable person for not being able to stick to my decisions and control my emotions.
So here is the question, has anyone ever gone through this and was able to “get over” a huge issue with their spouse? One that involved regret or resentment? Has anyone become content with not having children even after having gone through a period when they did?
For context – I don’t want to rush to get divorced, start over, or have a kid on my own. I would like to be able to stay in my marriage and get through life. I’d like advice from folks that have gone through something similar.