I (Male, 20) and my girlfriend (Female, 18) have been together for 8 months, but now I’m facing a problem. It’s currently summer break, and we both work a lot. We recently went on vacation to Spain together, but besides that, we see each other very little. This is mainly because my girlfriend’s dog passed away 1.5 months ago. She’s having a really hard time with it. As her boyfriend, I really want to help her and be there for her, but sometimes I’m a bit blunt with my words and show little empathy. Because of this, she prefers to talk to her friends about it. Since then, I’ve felt like I’m no longer her priority, and it really hurts. I want to be the one who supports her, cheers her up, and makes her happy, not her friends.
I’ve noticed that when she’s active and doing something, instead of sitting at home doing nothing, she seems to feel better. However, I can’t seem to get her to go out and do things, but her friends can. This makes me feel quite worthless as her boyfriend in this situation.
The problem I’m currently facing is that she prefers to spend time with her friends rather than with me. It seems like she makes more time for her friends than for me. She goes out with her friends to have cocktails and smokes a lot when she’s with them. This worries me. Our communication over the phone is really bad. There are often misunderstandings, which frequently lead to arguments. In contrast, the time we spend together in person is the best in the world. I’ve told her how I feel and that it’s hard for me that she’s not putting in the effort anymore. We have little contact, and it mainly comes from me. She doesn’t ask to meet up; that also has to come from me.
When school starts again, she’s taking a gap phase to travel with her friend. Every two weeks or so, she’ll come back to work and earn money for the next trip. So, I won’t see her much because even now during the vacation, she says work is very important because she needs to earn enough money for her travels.
The last few months, our relationship has also been very rough. We’ve had relatively many arguments, often due to these misunderstandings. I’ve made many mistakes, and so has she. But somehow, we always manage to make up.
It might be my insecurity, but I’m wondering if continuing this relationship is the best option. Maybe it’s better to give her some space and move on myself. She says she doesn’t want this, but I don’t know how long I should wait and if it will get better. We’re both still young, but we can’t wait for each other forever, can we? I have an insecurity deep inside me, and I don’t really understand where it comes from or why I should be insecure.
Where do I draw the line? When do I choose for myself? Because will it get better? I’m worried that if it doesn’t get better, I’m wasting my time and waiting for nothing, only hurting myself more.
I would love to get some advice. How should I handle this? What’s the best option, to continue or to go our separate ways? As mentioned, I find it hard not to see her because I love her a lot and would prefer to see her often. But if that’s not possible, and I’m not getting back the energy I’m putting into this, I’m not sure if continuing is the best choice, even though it hurts.
Tl:dr I dont feel important to her