My boyfriend (25M) and I (24F) have been dating for almost three years. Whenever we fight, he tends to say really hurtful things. For example, he might say he doesn’t love me anymore, that I was raised wrong by my parents, or that I’m stubborn. Honestly, these aren’t even the harshest things he’s said during an argument. However, once the argument dies down and I ask him about what he said, he always insists he didn’t really mean it and that he only said it out of anger. Yet, during the argument, he claims that everything he says is his truth. I tell him that his words are very hurtful and that he’s being really mean, but he responds with something like, "Well, what are you going to do? I act like this, and you still love me and want to date me."
The frustrating part is that it’s true. It’s hard for me to leave him, and sometimes I think that for both of us to be happy, I need to disregard my own happiness. Most of our arguments stem from me being hurt by what he says, and then he gets mad at me for being too emotional.
Our most recent fight was about my visit to see him, since we’re in a long-distance relationship. He told me he couldn’t meet me at the airport because he’d be too busy packing to move to a new apartment. I found this unreasonable because I’m traveling across the world to visit him. He said he didn’t have enough money for a taxi to the airport and that I’m grown enough to navigate to my hotel by myself. Our fight escalated from there. I told him I wasn’t upset about him not being able to pick me up, but that the way he communicated it hurt my feelings. I wanted him to apologize for the way he spoke to me, but he said that’s not how apologies work and that he did nothing wrong.
Was I overreacting in the argument? Does he really mean the things he says during an argument, or is it just a result of his anger? I’d appreciate any advice on how to communicate with him more effectively.