i don’t know how to find friends

I used to have friends when i was younger but now they all go away. At firstly they are friendly and kind but through time, they just show that they aren’t like that. Only a very few people whom i can be myself with, but all of them consider me as their trash bin to throw negative thoughts in. They expect me to listen but when i need them, they cant help me. I understand that they are vulnerable and need love and care that they didn’t have but, im a human w emotions too? Like they only comes to me when they need a listener, not a friend. Im scared to return to school, im scared to meet the ppl i used to be friends with. I dont wanna see them anymore