My boyfriend and i have a good sex life. But its always on his terms, when he initiates it. Whenever i initiate, he ignores it and pretends he doesnt know. But i know he does because i have asked him before. It makes me feel like i cant turn him on, he has to be generally horny to have sex with me.
Last night, i spent the entire evening like sexy texting him. I expected him to come home and be ready to go. But he got home, watched tv for a bit and then went to sleep, ignoring my initiating again. It made me really sad and i actually cried in the bathroom for a bit. He noticed i was gone for a while and asked me whats wrong but i felt stupid. So i said nothing and went to bed.
In the morning he said sorry for ignoring the advances, he has a cold and doesnt feel great. So he knew i was trying but he had a reason. That was fine. But then after a couple of hours of lounging and cuddling, i stood up to go for a shower. He stopped me and initiated sex. I felt like rejecting him, because he rejected me and told me he was too ill but here he was, “fighting through it” because he felt like it. But i was sexually frustrated from last night so i went with it. And now i just dont know what to think.
Thats how it always is with him. Sometimes he will get home from work at like 2 am and wake me up to initiate and i always go with it. But he never wants to when i try and start it.
11 comments
It’s almost like he sees sex as power and control.
Have you told him how it makes you feel?
“Babe, when you reject me or ignore me without communicating to me things like “I don’t feel well” or “I’m tired”, I feel frustrated and worried that I just don’t turn you on. I feel like the only sex on the table is sex you initiate and that makes me feel kind of used and neglected like only your needs are important. Moving forward, I’d appreciate it if you’d make an effort to communicate to me if you’re just not in the mood for whatever reason or show me what you need to get turned on or….something—-because if I’m always going to be rejected or ignored, I need to reevaluate this relationship.”
It sounds like you both need some practice in speaking up. It’s so hard, trust me, I feel stupid too. But it’s so much better to come clean and clear the air. Talking really really really openly about sex can take your sex life far beyond the next level. It’s totally worth it for both of you to find the courage to be honest with one another.
I know you’ve tried, but he doesn’t seem to know how badly it’s affecting you. You cried in the bathroom and didn’t tell him, he has no idea how much this stuff is hurting you.
At the same time he needs to communicate in the moment that he doesn’t feel well but then maybe top it off with a sexy comment of making it up to you. Or maybe just doing what you need to get yours but not doing full blown sex since it sounds like he’s out of energy.
Hmmm I didn’t know that someone should be required to have sex when they don’t want to.
Booboo he might be gettin a lil too attracted to that side piece in his 2 piece special
> i spent the entire evening like sexy texting him. I expected him to come home and be ready to go. But he got home, watched tv for a bit and then went to sleep, ignoring my initiating again
So, what part of what you described was you initiating? Because it sounds like you set the mood, then waited for him to initiate on it if he just came inside and started watching TV. Did you like, touch him? Grab him? Tell him it’s time to make good on all the ideas you had been texting each other? Or did you just wait for him to start things?
Because that could be a huge communication problem, if you think you’ve been initiating but it isn’t coming across as initiation.
“Sexy texting” is not initiating.
Girl just talk to the guy damn.. lemme tell ya, we are dumb af. He asked you what’s wrong, you should’ve gone up to him and kissed him right there. Why not communicate?
It sounds a bit manipulative to me, if this is really what he’s always doing, and not just you blowing one frustrating evening up out of all proportion. Like he is training you not to initiate, by never giving in to you, so then you are ready to go whenever he feels like it.
In your place, I’d start by getting a sex toy – so when he’s not in the mood and you are horny, enjoy your little electric friend. That should level off your libido a bit, so you, in turn, will be able to say “no” when you don’t quite feel like it, instead of falling in his arms whenever he deigns to come on to you.
A lot of the comments aren’t addressing the fact that he is choosing to ignore your advances. He admitted to ignoring them the next day rather than talk to you about it in the moment. That’s not great in the communication department.
How are you two at communicating about your needs in other areas? Is the ignoring a regular behavior from him?
Find a thing you can do to make it clearer. I text a gif of the pink power ranger. It’s stupid but it works if he’s not taking the hint