for context, my ex and i have a very special connection. both very into spirituality and believe we hold an incredibly special bond that i won’t get much into, but we’ll always be tethered in some form no matter what, and always have love for each other.
to keep a long story about how things need short, they cut me out of their life because i wasn’t mentally well, i was doing really bad, and making slow progress. i had promised i’d continue to make progress, and would get into bouts where i just couldn’t. they cut things off, we talk in person about it. they say they have to work on their sex addiction and need to prove to themselves they can be alone for an extended period, which would also help the sex addiction. 2 weeks into them dating someone else, i found out what i had already knew. we talked about it, they said “i realized having to focus on and help someone else is what was debilitating me”, that’s literally what a relationship is, so that made 0 sense.
as time passed, we talked occasionally about important things. about 5 days ago they came to me for advice because they thought their new boyfriend was using them for sex, claiming he initiates it within 5 minutes of the both of them being together every time, and that he continues to not correct his friends misgendering them, right in front of my ex, and some other red flags. i tried to do the right thing and offered good advice to just rip it like a bandaid if that’s what they think, ask for a change in behavior, and if you don’t get that change you know your answer. my ex then asks him if we can be friends again, and now we talk every single day throughout the entire day, like we’re best friends again. on facetime 2 days ago, they said “well i don’t think i’m gonna marry him, i’m just having fun”, when i mentioned the fact that they flirted with me, told me “he can’t make me cum like you can”, and other things that are basically cheating, or outright cheating. they acknowledged that they don’t know of their new boyfriend also feels that they “don’t think they’re gonna marry each other” and are “just having fun”. my ex is open to a future with us together, we both know it’s something that could very well happen, i’ve explicitly said time and time again that is my goal in life. their boyfriend doesn’t know my goal is to make enough progress to get my ex back. i’m not trying to ruin their relationship at all, that would be wrong of me. i’m just trying to make enough progress that if things fall through, i can keep my promises and have the life i dream of.
he has been told by my ex that they still have love for me and always will, and i believe has been told they have some feelings for me still. he has been told i’m their best friend, and they missed talking to me. my ex has cried over me in front of him, he has literally no issue with us talking every day, nearly all day. he encouraged me being around. i want my ex back so bad but this hurts. they know i’m in love with them, deeply, and always will be. hearing about the relationship hurts, hearing about him hurts, living hurts because it’s not with them. i don’t know what to do, i don’t know where to go. the only thing i want in life is them and i feel lost and confused.
TLDR: i have a very special and profound connection with my ex who still has feelings for me, cut me off and got into a new relationship 4 days later. they are saying they “don’t think they’re going to marry him” and are “just having fun”. 5 days ago they wanted to be friends with me again, and now we talk all day every day. they hide things from him like the fact that they flirted with me, and talked behind his back about how i can make them cum and he can’t. i don’t know what to do with this or with my life, everything hurts and i want my ex back.
6 comments
Your ex is playing games with you. Stop thinking that you have some mystical bond with this person, that will simply never go away; nobody is that special. If you don’t want to be treated like crap, get this person out of your life.
Your ex doesn’t keep you around, you keep yourself around.
Decide it’s over, and leave.
You’re the one doing this to yourself. Block and move on. It really is that simple.
You don’t have a special bond because they are with someone else while keeping you as backup in case it doesn’t work. That’s what you are to them.
Run free my friend. If they had the same spiritual connection to you, that you have to them, they wouldn’t hurt you life that. Stop talking to them (also, I don’t have tons of experience w neutral pronouns so if I make a mistake I promise I mean no offense 🙂 ). I (22m) was in a situation in which I thought my ex (21f) in which I thought I had to help her w her issues and was connected to her so much. It was all bullshit. She made me feel like human garbage and did many things to me that your ex has done to you.
​
RUN AWAY I promise you your connection will fade in time. Think of it this way, there was a point in time in which you didn’t know her, there is the possibility of a life without her. There are other people in the world that will be crazy for you. You deserve that.
Advice is to move on. He isn’t interested.
Might be good to take your own advice, rip off the bandaid.
Have a talk to your ex about how it hurts you to have him say he loves you but won’t be with you and then has fun with this new guy that they don’t even see themselves with.
That emotional strain on you that will only hinder you helping yourself.
Should take some time and think to yourself and talk to them about later. Do you want this? Do you want a relationship with someone that broke up with you because of mental problems, proceeds to get with a guy after less than a week, and tells you they aren’t gonna be with them forever, it’s just for fun while telling you they’re open to being with you in the future. A future with someone that is saying things that are “basically cheating, or outright cheating”.
Look at what you want and at what’s best for you.
If they thought that breaking up was best for you, then they shouldn’t do this right in front of you, it’s emotionally draining and damaging.
I understand you feel this strong connection and don’t want to lose it, but is that connection with this pain?
Talk to them about this, about how it makes you feel and how it hurts.