This is the place to put any shower thoughts, your complaints/rants about dating, ask for quick advice, serious and (sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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I’ve had the best weekend with the physio and I am still buzzing. So so good. That’s all. Nothing else to report. I don’t have anything to break down or process, doesn’t feel like I need to deconstruct anything or try to make sense, it was just brilliant. This effortless emotional connection and such superb conversations have made everything else click in place and I really really really hope this keeps going the way it did.
It’s been magic. We’re doing next weekend together, still undecided if at mine or his, same with the one after, then I’m away, then the one after that will definitely be together. We have a thing together in September as well. Very very cool.
Texts Too Much texts me everyday, but if I don’t respond for hours he will text again.
I don’t know if I should address this or if this is just one of those little annoyances you should live with.
I totally get becoming anxious when there isn’t a response. I get like that sometimes as well (was like that a few days ago actually), but the double texting is just annoying.
***PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT***
Hey everyone just a PSA about dating apps. If someone asks you out and suggests a few days to meet up, and you are not available on those days, or until next week, or in two weeks, or until Q4, or when the hell ever it is, it is then *your* responsibility to counter with alternative days for meeting!
Okay? Does that make sense? This is simple folks, *if you are actually interested in going on a date*, you have to then say something like “Oh I can’t meet up next week, I’ll be out of town, *but what about Tuesday the week after?*”
Do not just digitally sit there leaning back with your arms crossed making me suggest more and more days for you to either accept or reject, unnecessarily extending the conversation. Lift your end of the freaking stick please, otherwise I am going to assume you are not that interested and immediately move on. I urge anyone else being treated this way to do the same. This is not how normal human interactions work when planning to meet up, do not give people the time of day who do not know how to interact like a normal person.
Thank you, the more you know, etc!
Guys that use the semicolon properly are really attractive.
Lazy Sunday has been a good day!
Met up with a friend this morning and went for a walk before grabbing brunch. Come back, done a few chores, and I’m now sun bathing while listening to music! Bliss.
I’m not someone who generally likes to sit in the sun, but I thought I’d bronze my skin up a bit for a change. Only thing is, I now got the dreaded tan lines!
I hope everyone is having a good Sunday so far! 😊
anyone experience this before?
* I asked my gf you want anything from XXX place?
* Shes so no
* Comes back home and wants to eat a piece of my food I grabbed.
I notice this happens too often since dating her. Is there a good way to communicate to her about this without being a jerk?
What do you all do for alone time? Solo hobbies etc? I need to get out of my house and out of my head. I used to volunteer when my son was little but that has stopped now.
I think I’m bored and need new hobbies. I do yoga, read and the gym and have plans with friends but would like a new hobby to maybe increase my social circle?
Well, fuck. It seems like Mr. Milkshake is avoiding me, and it’s Miss Maneater’s fault.
Last night, they were sitting together at an event talking for an hour. He didn’t even saw hello to me at any point during the evening. We exchanged a few messages last night but mostly related to hobby.
This morning the two of them show up together having gotten boba tea, and I’m assuming based on something she said last night they went to the gym together this morning.
I’m extra pissed because I already told her I had a little thing for him and she moved in anyway. It also seems like he’s only willing to entertain me if she’s not there, and that’s starting to suck.
I need to learn to not have crushes anymore, because I’m tired of getting crushed.
I have always been rejected by the girls I liked. So I always ended up dating women who liked me first. Not the other way around.
Recently I met this girl at a yoga class. I was instantly drawn to her. Initially she seemed interested in me, smiled a lot at me. Couple days later I saw her at a social event again. I approached her, we started talking it was going well, then I teased her about her profession. She got offended and walked away. Tried to check on her the same night by trying to make small talk about our yoga class,but she was cold.
Saw her after couple of days in our class again, she was so cold and mad at me that she didn’t even make eye contact. I broke the ice and went up to her after class and apologised for teasing her the other day. She said she felt criticised and she appreciated the apology. I asked what she was doing after the class, she made some excuse. I asked her whether we should exchange contact and keep in touch, she was hesitant . Told me I could get her number from the group chat of the class. I asked for social media she gave it but didn’t ask mine.
Really liked someone after a long time. Did I ruin my chances?
I(39F) had a lovely but anxiety inducing coffee and walk date this morning with a woman(45F) I matched with on tinder. I’m bi and historically have dated way more men than women and tend to get much more nervous with women due to inexperience so I was already a bit nervous to start but we have a lot in common so I knew we would at least have a lot to talk about.
First off we met up and I’m instantly anxious because she’s drop dead gorgeous and super fit, id guess 5’4” and maybe 130lbs soaking wet? Meanwhile I’m 5’9″ and 205 lbs. In fairly decent shape but chubby. I also have horrible skin, still struggle with adult acne and lots of wrinkles from sun exposure. Meanwhile her skin is absolutely glowing and she just looks effortlessly beautiful.
But she’s super friendly and we kick off our walk and are talking the whole time, lots of laughs, and seeming to connect in a lot of areas. I had my dog with me and she had to stop to take a poo. And this is gross, just warning you all….but as she walks away it’s clear there’s a dingleberry attached to her and she’s standing all awkwardly. While I’m cleaning up what she dropped I’m watching her and hoping she drops the rest of it. Well, no luck and after standing there a bit I got another poop bag around my hand and go to clean up the dingleberry. Well it’s not just a dingleberry and I end up pulling a giant piece of shit that was somehow stuck in her butt???? I’ve never had to do anything like that for her, especially not on a first date and with a gorgeous woman watching. Thankfully she has an elderly dog and she was very chill and understanding but I still felt absurd and pretty disgusting, lol.
It was super muggy even though we walked in the morning and I was dripping sweat by the end. As we were leaving she asked if I was a hugger so I hugged her even though I now felt like a disgusting sweaty troll. Part of me felt like there’s no way she’s interested but honestly the women I have dated in the past have always been physically way out of my league so what the hell, you never know right? And just because she’s a certain type doesn’t mean that’s what she is attracted to, right??
Anyway despite my insecurities I asked her out to dinner and she said yes! I’m gonna do my best to work on my confidence level before then, I don’t want to self sabotage just cus I think she’s physically out of my league. And I’m thinking about bringing her a bouquet of flowers from my garden to dinner. Too cheesy? She made and brought muffins today so I’d like to do something in return.
Anyone that has any tips on flirting? I’m (f31) going hiking with a former coworker (m41) tomorrow and I have a crush on him. I didn’t specify that I wanted a date when I asked him through a text if he wanted to meet up during the summer after I saw him at a festival a bit more than a week ago. I really hope he sees it as a date too and not just a friendly meet-up.
Boo, person I’ve been seeing is a terrible texter and seems to only want something casual. It’s making me feel very very bummed out. I hate being so hung up and sensitive to rejection!
I’m taking a pause on dating. Had optimistically been seeing someone for about 5 weeks, so not long but she has decided to “call pause” on us as she’s off to Costa Rica for a few months with a friend as they’ve both just been made redundant with a decent payoff.
Back to the drawing board so to speak!
Dont know if this deserves a post of its own, im new around and I really appreciate the advise. Hope to help you too, if possible.
Long story short (and with time i think you will begin to remember me for my contious need to understand and interpret signals from my situationship)…
Currently FWB with a 38M, me 32F. He said he is not looking for a relationship, which im good now, but i might eventually see if he wants to turn things around. Anyway, as for today he hasnt contacted me. Last friday we met, chat, did our business twice, but after finishing the second time my period came and it spotted the sheets. That pissed him off and he left disgusted he just would say its ok, but apparently would look disgusted by what just happened. I apologized and told him to try and forget it, to which he agreed. Yesterday we barely talked, exchanged a few reels. At night he told me he was going to the movies with a friend and that he would write me later, to which he did not, but sent reels instead. Honestly that message caught me by surprise, he had told me he would be going to the movies with a female friend but to actually sent me a message from the spot, it is CONFUSING.
im trying to keep it as short as possible.
Anyways, i dont know if I should look out for him, or wait for him to contact me. I dont want to sound needy but i want him to know that im still interested.
why would he send me that message?
when should i talk to him or do i wait to write me first?
How do you have hope at finding someone at 30? I seriously am just losing all sense if hope, it is so hard to find someone who aligns with your values today. I find no one even cares and when you meet the person doesnt evwn try to get to know you. Just really makes me feel as though I am unlovable or not worth love at this point.
Had a great 2nd date with my Hinge match yesterday. She and I are so much alike that it’s a little scary!
I lowered my dating standard n started seeing a guy with kids. At first he could see them in his off days then he went public with our relationship and now he can’t see them any more which is depressing him. His depression leads to no intimacy which has me distancing myself. His children are still young like 5 & 6 I wanted to get married but not if this is the next 10 plus years.
I used to post here fairly frequently, but was doxxed on my previous account.
I’ve been in a wonderful relationship for six months and it feels like a dream.
I began dating my current partner just after my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer earlier this year. She was living with me at the time, and I became her primary caregiver until she died about a month ago. My partner was wonderful and supportive throughout and I cannot get over how kind and understanding he has been.
When I had to cancel our 3rd date and drop the “Hey my mom is dying and I’m taking care of her” spiel I 100% expected for him to run away. Instead he stepped up in every way. He was incredibly supportive and was my shining light through it all.
While he’s met my entire family and friends, and I’ve met his entire friend group – I still have yet to meet his parents. I’ll be spending next weekend with his entire immediate and extended family and I’m so nervous 😅
I’m dating someone new and for as much as I can know someone this early on he seems like a really good guy. I like him. There’s compatibility and after today’s date I can say there’s chemistry but something in my brain is holding me back. Full disclosure I had a pretty intense break up around Christmas time and I’m not sure if it’s that internally. I’m scared to get hurt or if there’s more to it. He’s very patient and he understands what’s going on with my need to go slow. I asked him to go slow. We are exclusive to each other, but not because we discussed being mutually exclusive but more so because we individually don’t multi date so we’re focusing on each other. I feel rather safe with him which I’ll be honest usually when I meet someone it’s a lot of butterflies a lot of that high anxiety. I definitely had that high anxiety butterfly feeling in my last relationship to the point where I think I was constantly making myself sick, but it was my gut trying to tell me something so and I didn’t want to pay attention. Hes very transparent and open about everything and it’s quite refreshing so it’s leaving me at ease. That’s why I’m not entirely sure what it is that is holding me back. Maybe I am scared and that’s what my brain is clutching to. Maybe it’s the fear of getting hurt again. Luckily he’s receptive to going slow so I have time to figure it out.
I’m visiting Glasgow and took my mother out to a pub for her birthday and it was a pub quiz night. Man I wish I were 23 years old and hot, instead of 43 and ugly.
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Feeling really anxious and could do with a talk down.
I 34f went on a 1st date today with 37m from an app. We chatted throughout and had a nice time I think. After 2 drinks in a pub garden, I suggested we make a move – we had been there 2 hours at this point and I was going to my parents for dinner. As we parted ways, I suggested to meet again and he agreed.
He mentioned he was quite introverted on the date, and I thought maybe a bit shy too. Hence, I also messaged a couple of hours ago to say that I had a nice time meeting him.
I haven’t heard back which I know is fine as it’s only been 2 and a half hrs since I text. But I just feel anxious and I think it’s because I hate the thought of a rejection and also because I do think that if I’ve reached out, then I’d say it’s courteous to reply back promptly (am I being OTT here?)
I know I’m just spiralling over a stranger here and need to take a deep breath.
Last week I wrote about a date I went on that went really well. We had a second date the other night. It was kind of awkward at first (I was nervous!) but ended up being pretty amazing. I went back to his place and we ended up having sex and snuggling a lot. It was so sweet. He kept complimenting me, too. I don’t have a great self-image so it was really strange to hear at first, but I liked it. Seeing as this was only our second date, I’m worried it might be moving a bit fast, but I honestly couldn’t help myself that night lol. We’re going to see each other again later this week. I’m kinda nervous again. I can feel myself overthinking a bit too much because I just want everything to go perfectly.
Side note, while on that date I randomly saw someone I’d gone on a few dates with and was really really into for a while. He was always inconsistent and kind of hard to pin down despite giving the opposite signals at the beginning (he asked me out) and whenever we were together. He ghosted me a couple of weeks ago. Well, seeing him there, I felt nothing! It was a relief to realize I’m over him and not even heartbroken about it. Like, I realized I can’t really respect someone who treats people like that, so good riddance.
I’m 30f and recently fell for a stranger in a cafe and instantly felt something. I was reading and they (they’re non binary) were talking to a bunch of their friends at a table across me. I couldn’t help but notice their eyes, wide smile and their hands filled with silver rings. Impulsively, I tore a page of my book and wrote a note complementing them and leaving my contact. I asked the waitress to pass it on and I paid for their table’s coffees and ran out of the cafe as fast as I could. Never had I ever such butterflies in my stomach before. I waited all day and kept checking my phone for their message which I finally received after 11pm. They shared that they were already seeing someone but that they’d love to meet me in person and buy me a drink. So we make a plan and meet the next night for drinks. They praised me for my bold move and bought me a drink. We spent 2 hours talking and the conversation flowed well from movies to politics to religious opinions and Taylor swift. We then parted ways and I texted that I really enjoyed our time together. They texted back saying they enjoyed it too but I couldn’t sense the same enthusiasm. It has been 2 weeks now and I still can’t stop thinking about them. We notice each other stories on instagram and I’m not sure if it’d be appropriate if I text them again as they already said that they’re dating someone. Would it be too creepy if I said I’d like to be still in touch and be friends?
Last night taught me that trying to belong to a friend group, though it sounds fun, is not my personal antidote to loneliness. Went out for drinks and dinner with a couple girls from my grad program, only to wilt less than halfway through the 3-hour hangout, day-dreaming about watching a movie by myself. Funnily enough, at least their SOs, only one of whom was present, ended up paying for it. Ah, the lone wolf life is a curse and a blessing, and today I’m more ok with it than not.
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Matched with a guy on hinge. He sent a heart/like with no comments so I initiated the conversation. He responded, this was 4 days ago. I, unfortunately, completely forgot to respond due to A) my dating app notifications not turned on & B) crazy busy last few days of work. Randomly remembered just now and checked and saw he sent a follow up message today 😅 went through his profile again and I’m undecided if I’d like to continue because his profile is pretty bare/not much to go on. From his photos, he’s cute but I’m not sure if I’m attracted to him. Should I just continue the conversation, go on a first date and decide then?
Another dating app PSA/unsolicited advice/angry rant: Please do not have a profile made up entirely of selfies. What are you doing, people? I can not swipe left fast enough. Please include at least SOME normal pictures of yourself taken by other people!
Why? First of all, it’s extremely suspect to me that you need to be controlling the angle of every picture taken of yourself. But more importantly: Surely as a person in your 30s you have done *something* in your life fairly recently that indicates that you have spent time around other humans in some kind of joyful social capacity. Surely you have pictures where you are smiling, with other people (ideally cropped out so I know who you are!), like a happy person!
This does not even have to be some kind of cool or candid shot. It can be a boring group picture! A wedding! A work holiday party! A vacation with friends or family! You and your sorority sisters at the reunion dinner! A pic of you and your dad at your little cousin’s communion luncheon! A meal with a friend where they took a picture of you across the table! Something, anything, to show that you like….do stuff? Stuff with other people in your life? And that your only option for pictures is not when you’re sitting alone in your room or standing in your bathroom.
Sometimes I find myself swiping left and left and left to infinity on profiles with just 100% selfies. Even if I think you’re hot! It’s truly depressing, please consider leaving your house and ask your friend to take a picture of you while you’re doing something fun. Even just ONE normal pic makes all the difference in vibes.
Feeling kinda lonely tonight.
Guy I’ve been seeing is stilllllll in the hospital for complications from his cancer treatment. Ive been seeing him regularly but its really hard. My grandma has also been admitted to the (same) hospital. My brother also just got diagnosed with cancer – it looks promising, could potentially be an “easier” one to treat, but if theres anything ive learned its that cancer is NEVER easy and is always unpredictable. It’s just all a lot. The days are OK, but the nights are hard. I’m coping well, all things considered, but goddddd do I ever wish I had someone to just cuddle with tonight or sleep beside me.
Just a sad lonely rant to share tn lolllll going to take my dog for a good walk then maybe sink into a movie – drop your good movie recs! Pref if they’re on Canadian Netflix/prime/Disney 😉
For anyone looking to do an “activism” date (solo, or with a new friend): http://events.democrats.org
My ex-online fwb whom I caught feelings for and have not been in contact with for almost four months greeted me on my bday yday. He sent a gif and asked if he got the day right and I replied accordingly. Surprisingly, I didn’t feel anything. Guess I’ve completely gotten over him since May 🙂
Also I’m watching my dog run around my apartment with a pair of my panties, and there’s a metaphor in here somewhere, I know not what.
I met a guy last week organically (at the farmers market, ha!). And he actually is interested in me and I think I am too. My friend told me that hes polyamorous though and I am not too into that. So I’ll keep him at arms length, but idk the fact a straight edge vegan communist likes me, a recently sober ex vegan train wreck, is a huge confidence boost either way
Recently I started online dating again but it’s awful. As a below-average-looking guy I feel I have little chance and it puts me in a bad place mentally. I’ve had my profile reviewed on Reddit and some of the suggestions I get are unreasonable or impossible to pull off.
I also joined a local social group affiliated with my religion but the gender ratio is not much better and most women are in relationships. They do have a match maker service but it’s pretty slow. I’ve been connected with three women from there and went on two dates but I was only romantically interested in one women and it was not reciprocated.
There are things I have going for me, a good career, living by myself, and platonic friends. Those positives aren’t translating into finding love. I want to have kids one day and I don’t want to be so old that I am too old to raise them or have no shot of grandkids.
My therapist says I am doing everything I can and they are impressed I am doing so much. They also said I was nebish which I take as a pretty bad sign for any hopes I have
I am not going to settle for someone to just not be alone.
Well I met a guy organically (at a farmers market, ha!) and he actually seems interested in me. I’m really standoffish towards new people and I have my guards really high. But I think I actually kinda like him too. Theres a lot of green flags. Its pretty weird, my lifes been so crazy and I’ve been on a journey of self growth for a minute and it all seems to be paying off in rapid succession – I’m starting a new job tomorrow, and I got a new roommate this month who I get along great with. I’m also 8 months sober and less than a year and a half in stable housing (after 3 years living primarily out of my van). My situation is complicated and so are my tastes.. I’m trying to reinvent myself while also staying true to myself. And this guy kinda checks a lot of boxes, hes got a proper job, hes a punk, hes sober and vegan, hes a leftist and politically active and smart. Hes being polite and respectful towards me, and we have a bunch of stuff in common that we like to do like creative homebody stuff, dumpster diving, anarchism.. i want to call him dreamy but the thing is this. I showed my friend a photo of him (I’m new to this town) and she asked a friend what his deal is (i didnt ask her to) and so I hear all this third hand stuff about him… most of it I’m like, I’ll see for myself (like hes pretentious and that hes not scary), but they also mentioned hes polyamorous (but they dont know if hes still seeing some girl). I am like, deeply not down with polyamory, its fine for other people but personally I have this big abandonment wound and so its really not for me. Like a hard no. Which would be a shame but either way its cool to be liked by someone I actually like back. Especially over 30 😭
I was dating a guy for a few weeks.We called things off and remained friends. He started a relationship 2 weeks after we first kissed. I felt so stupid and played. I blocked him because of how I felt seeing his posts and I now regret it. I would like to have him as a friend, although I know it would be safe or healthy.
Is settling really so bad? Not for a shitty person of course but maybe just someone that is a bit outside your physical type. Or maybe a little awkward/dorky. At least guys like this liked me and I never questioned it. Guys that I’m really attracted to off the bat just never work, and those amazingly good feelings mean nothing, even if we make it some months to an official status…
Whether or not I’m single yet, the lack of reassurance is so telling. The thought of going back to my hum drum unfulfilling single life is filling me with so much dread 🙁
You ever wonder why God (or your personal equivalent) even puts you through this? I was living a hum drum life but at least I was used to it before I met #him 😔
So is the 30s dating scene as bad as I have it built up in my mind for females looking for a man? I’ve (30f) been in a relationship for 4 years and as good as it’s been, there have been problems recently that have me thinking about things. I don’t know if it’s a scenario where I’m looking for that 20% I’m not getting from him or if I really need to leave and start over. However, I feel like the stories of dating seem so terrible that I don’t know if I’d want to leave. My relationship is good, but sometimes I wonder if it’s my forever
Still a bit in my feels, but less in my feels. My friends helped distract me with entertaining conversation. I also arranged a date with a new absolute cutie 💃🏻 who I’m excited to meet. First time feeling that pre-first date excitement in about a year ☺️ We have similar interests and like doing the same date activities so 🤞🏼
How do I (31M) get through my worst breakup so far, from the person (29F) I thought would be the one to settle down with longterm.
I’ve posted before, but:
I just ended the post dating friendship I had with her. She didn’t want to continue dating for a handful of complicated reasons but wanted desperately to stay close friends. Against my better judgement I maintained a close friendship and that was complicated because she clearly wasn’t sure how she felt about me so it was a rollercoaster and I felt like I was letting myself be used for months.
Unfortunately my therapist’s advice was to do nothing and let the friendship play out and resolve itself. I did that for 7 months, but couldn’t handle it and had to get out of the friend zone. I hate that it took me seeing her with someone else for me to end it. I wish I initially said no to friendship and went no contact upon her wanting to stop dating. I wasted 7 months of my life on this fake friendship and let her use me while she pursued her other options.
I’ve never been so close to settling down with a SO and on the same page about spending a life together. I’ve never had so much in common and loved someone this much, we both were afraid that this was too good to be true though. I guess it was but I hate that it ended with her most likely lying to me and misrepresenting everything to keep me around. I knew better, and I’m more heartbroken than ever.
I’m losing it so I’m going to see a new therapist. What advice do you all have for getting through the heartbreak of ending things with someone you love and thought you’d spend a lifetime with, but who doesn’t love you anymore?
Is anyone on hinge bumble *and* tinder? How many apps at a time is too many? lol for reference I’m in a medium sized city but the dating pool can feel small
Online dating is such a hellscape. But, at least I have learnt things about myself in terms of what I do and don’t want. I had a good idea but now it’s actually been validated and that’s nice to know.
It hasn’t been overly long but I’m a bit over it and I don’t think it’s my thing. I have one person who seems very keen but I’m not going to latch onto them just because they’re the first person who is actually conversing well, and ignore the other myriad of red flags.
This is such a “Dear diary” post lol
How do you know if a guy is interested in you?
I’ve been going to a hobby event once a week where I met this guy. He seems super happy and friendly. We’ve made what I could consider some intense eye contact and smiling at each other. There’s a cafe nearby that I visit beforehand and when he and his group (other people at the event) were leaving he stopped by my table and said I should join them. He initiates all conversations.
The following week he remembered the type of beverage that I liked. He always says hey to me (and I’ve been too nervous to try and chat more which I’ve got to work on). He just seems really friendly with everyone and I don’t want to read too much into it but I want to get to know him as well.
Omfg. I just went on my first date in a year. It was pretty good, and I’m open to another one.
And then dude asks me about how I changed my 5th picture on hinge with a pic I took before our date? Like, for real? Do I need to watch myself like this lest I fend off a good guy? We went on one date. I changed the picture before that. I never dress up anymore so of course I took selfies leading up to it.
I don’t expect anything to be exclusive at this point, and to save myself any “hurt” from similar happenings, I just stop looking at their hinge profile after I get their number (which, yeah, we have each other’s numbers).
This makes me want to take myself out of the dating game again already. I can’t even imagine asking someone about their picture changes I noticed after the first date 💀