My husband I work together and are parents to a happy 6 month old baby. We’ve been together for 7 years now.
Close to a year ago at work, we had a mild argument, I can't even remember what it was about. But at one point in the argument he said, "Do you think I wanted this?" And gestured towards my stomach. I was gutted. The pregnancy had been unplanned. In that moment I felt so alone and unwanted, me and the baby. I just walked away because I didn't want to say anything hurtful back.
Yes, he didn’t want the baby at the moment and I remember telling him I want this baby, but we’ve come to be happy with our decision now.
Later I went to talk to him and couldn't find him. I asked around if anybody had seen him. He had left work. Left me there with no ride home. The people at work could tell that I didn't know he left. It was embarrassing. I called him and he was apologetic and came at the end of the shift to pick me up.
I remember telling him how I feel and demanding an apology from him about this. However despite what he says, I can’t let this go. I feel almost resentful of him.
He’s a great partner otherwise and I’m confident this doesn’t have anything to do with anything postpartum. I am a well-adjusted parent and happy and thriving in other areas of life. I would request anyone refrain from talking about PPD because I don’t find those casual diagnoses helpful. This is between me and my husband.
Few days ago, I brought up how what he said still hurts me and he says he has done enough and apologised enough and made it up to me (which he has) but it’s upto me to find forgiveness for him in my heart and he would prefer not to feel guilty anymore. He just acts unbothered and that bothers me. It almost feels like he doesn’t want to do anything or care about earning my love and emotional safety anymore. It’s like he has given up entirely now after doing intense work initially to earn my forgiveness.
He later told me I might benefit from individual therapy to process my feelings and find a way to move forward. Although it is helpful advice, it felt pretty dismissive and disrespectful. It almost felt like he was telling me that my feelings were a “me problem” that needed to be fixed and that has nothing to do with him.