Men of reddit how do I become a “Man” without have an example since my dad doesn’t live with me since i was 10?

26 comments

1. Find healthy male role models

2. You are by nature a man, do what the fuck you want, thats what men do.

3. I had a terrible excuse for a father. Over many years I found other men in my life to look up to and pick up examples of behavior that I wanted to mimic. When it came to things like replacing a tire or fixing a radiator, I asked for help. I don’t like asking for help but what I learned was always worth it.

4. Integrity and accountability are big

5. That shit’s dumb, yo

6. ask yourself what it is you wanted your father to be and you be that man.

   you want him to stand up for you & others? you do the same.

   etc.

7. It’s not that hard, I never had my father at all.. I turned out pretty ok

8. Like a few have mentioned, look up to male role models and learn from them.

   For everyday things or general stuff, this guy on youtube has got most of it covered. His father left him when he was a teenager, so now he is trying to help out people with stuff their dad would have taught them. Youtube page below:

   [Dad, how do I?](https://youtube.com/c/DadhowdoI)

9. The first thing you should do to become a real “man” is to ask yourself why the heck you care about becoming a real “man”.

   Do you really want to get your life dictated by classic role models or do you want to be a person who is free in his decisions?

10. A man is someone who takes responsibility for his actions and how they affect others. He knows when to put the needs of others first.

    My father wasn’t a good example so I developed my definition of manhood from other male role models.

11. Find mentors and build your own image! You become the man you decide to be.

12. Define what it is to be a man yourself

13. If you like Game of Thrones, every time you do something, ask if Ned Stark would approve this? If you think Ned is too naive, ask if Jon Snow would approve it. My dad was pretty absent himself and I found it helpful to find a role model in fictional characters. As you move along in life, you should find other role models. Mind you they can be man or woman because morality knows no gender. But if you’re one of those guys who have little to no problem with or take pride in following gender norms, a male role model that you can talk to is preferable.

14. The main thing about being a man is this…take responsibility. It’s probably the biggest difference between men and women. Women dodge responsibility and accountability like Neo dodges bullets. And be and do everything, because you never know when you have to change a tire, fight a mugger, cook a stew, build a deck, or write a poem. Remember, men are always ultimately alone. You don’t get to be a SAHD, you don’t get to take some time off to discover who you are, you have to always be on your grind.

15. Defend and abide by your morals. Don’t be afraid to change for the better. Be confident in yourself.

16. there’s no such thing as a “Man”, just focus on being a good person

17. You not having father won’t change you as being a man. Just be yourself and a good person.

18. The right thing to do is often not the easy thing to do. When you do what’s right even though it won’t be easy you’re on the way.

19. Remember the five “H’s”: Always be honorable, humble, hard-working, honest, and hopeful.

    And when you’re in doubt just ask yourself “what would Nick Offerman do in the situation?”

20. One word – Avengers! Plenty of role models of true Men there to choose from!
    On a serious note – I think a man’s purpose is to nurture, build, protect, be respectful and humble in every action you undertake.
    Whatever I do, if I can adopt those philosophies I literally just made up on the fly – I am Man enough. 🙂

21. Believe in and have confidence in yourself.

22. Be honest.

    Help lookout for those who can’t take care of themselves when opportunity presents.

    Treat everyone with respect.

    I think any man who consistently does those 3 things is a good man in my book.

23. just be you, my dude. i have a terrible relationship with my dad. has nothing to do with anything. just be comfortable in your own skin.

24. Travel.

    Get your passport. Explore the world.

    You’ll come across a lot of interesting situations, experiences and scenarios. People, places and things, for perspective and understanding. No greater teacher than Mother Earth, but start first in your own backyard. Venture out into the world at large.

    Go into nature. Seek nature. Workout. Take of yourself financially, and if you can, be as self -sufficient as you can (investments, business, be your own boss).

    Lastly, practice sexual discipline. Channel your energy into more productive pursuits. It’s a terrible waste to ejaculate. Use your sexual energy wisely.

    All the best

25. Take responsibility for what you can.

    Be one that one that steps up to the plate when no one else will

    Never just let things happen (i.e. don’t be passive)

    Be a leader to those around you

    Get a job and work hard at it

    Be honest, even if its hard

    Be kind to those around you (kind, not nice)

    Respect those who deserve it and be someone worth respecting

    Get a hobby beyond media consumption

    Know when to say no, and mean it when you say it

    Know a little about everything

    Know how to look after yourself and everything around you, no one else will

26. I was you once, dad left at 10 years of age. I always wondered when i would be a man. I think i know the exact moment i became a man. but let me tell you first some things.

    I didn’t become one when i first had sex.

    when i enlisted in the military.

    learned how to be dangerous on purpose.

    survived my enlistment

    stopped going red on my bank account balance.

    bought home

    bought a car.

    lived by my self

    held a relationship with a woman for more than a year.

    got married,

    had a kid.

    Not any one of those things made me a man by itself.

    but i can tell you the moment i looked up and thought, “shit, i am a man now.”

    I was cutting a lemon with a sharp knife. I cut into my hand because i was cutting it towards me. It was deep enough to bleed but not enough to need stitches. It hurt, the lemon juice didn’t help. I wanted to yell out in shock and from the pain, but i stopped and just got mad at myself. I knew better and still i cut towards me breaking a rule i had lived by for a long time. I just took the pain and bandaged the cut without making any noise. then i realized that I’m a man now. To me, that was the moment.

    not sure if this makes sense to other people. but as i think about it. that was the moment i thought of my self as a man and even thought i cant just type it out. I know what it means to me now.