Hello everyone,
I’m reaching out for some advice and would appreciate your understanding and respect in your responses.
I’m a 23-year-old male who recently completed a master’s degree in theoretical physics, and is planing on enrolling on a PhD soon. I’ve long desired a kind, supportive partner to share my life with—someone I can rely on and feel secure with. While I initially sought a partner with high intelligence, I’ve realized that I would now be content with someone less "gifted" as long as they are kind and understanding.
My experiences with my parents' arguments and my older brother being cheated on have left me with a significant fear of being cheated on. This fear has influenced my search for a partner who would not trigger these insecurities. I plan to pursue therapy to work through these issues.
About two years ago, I met someone who seemed ideal. She, a 25-years-old female, was studying physics as well, and we shared many great moments. However, problems arose when we became physically intimate. Initially, she was the one to initiate sexual activity, but over time, I found myself initiating more frequently. However, she would often decline, which led to frustration on my behalf. It became clear that my libido was considerably higher than hers, and it seemed her interest was significantly influenced by her menstrual cycle.
Before we became intimate, I was comfortable with occasional self-relief with "visual stimulation". However, after starting the physical relationship, I became less comfortable with self-relief and started to preferred being physical with her, which led to sexual frustration. We broke up about three months ago, partly due to these issues. Additionally, she often made me feel guilty about my sexual desires and would rudely and frequently correct me without any reason, which left me feeling unappreciated. I acknowledge my own faults, such as initiating unwanted advances and forgetting to lower the toilet seat, but I’ve been working hard on the latter!
Now, I’m contemplating whether I should try to reduce my libido—some may suggest NoFap—but I’m unsure if that’s right for me. Alternatively, I could seek a partner with a higher libido, perhaps even someone who is hypersexual, as I believe I would be okay with daily physicality, even if I currently don’t engage in sexuality as frequently as that. However, if I were to choose the latter, I’m concerned that I might face more issues with infidelity, as I have the impression that hypersexual people might be more likely to cheat, even if that’s not necessarily true.
In conclusion, I’m seeking advice on whether to work on decreasing my libido or to find a partner with similar sexual needs, despite potential challenges.
Thank you for your time and advice.
OP
TL;DR:
I'm a 23-year-old male with a higher libido than my ex-girlfriend who recently ended the relationship due to mismatched sexual needs with an ongoing insecurity about infidelity. I’m unsure whether to try reducing my libido or look for a partner with similar sexual desires. Should I focus on managing my libido or seek a partner who aligns better with my needs?