Hi!
I (26M) have been dating (27F) for a little over a year. All the normal aspects of the relationship are great and I adore spending time with her – but real-life logistics are making it a problem. It's a LDR and we live far enough away that we only get to see each other in-person every few months for a 3-day weekend. She works a job that doesn't give great time off, so weekend trips are the only option. We have a rough timeline of me moving up after my Master's program is finished (~Novemberish).
She is passionate about her job and her field of work, and also has never lived outside of her state (or even more than 30 minutes away from where she was born). Her job also requires a license to the specific state, so she's not keen on moving. This was established at the beginning – that any timeline for us would require her to stay in her state at her job for at least 2 years, if not longer. She makes $25 an hour, but has irregular hours (some weeks are 40, some are 20). She is currently living with her parents and pays them rent, but it's a tense situation and she wants to move out ASAP. Rent is expensive in her area, and while she could afford a studio on her own it'd be tough.
I am average-passionate about my job and area, but it allows me to live frugally and has great benefits and alright pay. I live with a roommate, have very low CoL and no debt, and I'm currently working on completing my Master's online so I can be more qualified to find a more challenging / higher paying job in my field. I have a variety of side hustles – basically, I work 40 hours a week and then I'm either doing schoolwork for an additional 20-30 or I'm working on a side hustle for the same amount, if not more. I'm tired and I can feel myself quickly approaching some status of burn-out. All I want to do is be able to just come home after work and play video games, but I can't.
In a perfect world, I'd love to just move up with her, but she doesn't have a place for me to move in with, I'd have to find a whole new job (and my field is fairly competitive and slow to hire), and there are real financial benefits to me staying down here for at least 6 more months (tuition reimbursement from job).
I get why she wants me to move up. I want to move up! I like her area more than I like mine! But it feels like I'm the only one putting in substantial work to make it happen (Master's program, relocating) and she's just waiting for me to come up. I outright told her that she should prioritize getting a studio apartment and that if I'm able to move up earlier, we can just squeeze in together for the rest of that lease, and while she agreed that it made sense she clearly wasn't excited about that idea.
Recently, when I told her about the tuition reimbursement I might be able to get and the promotion I might be getting at my office, she wasn't excited for me, just immediately got worried and had me reiterate and promise that this wasn't changing the original timeline of me looking for a job up there as soon as I finish my Master's.
This made me feel like absolute shit, which I told her, and she apologized both times and explained that she's had the rug pulled out from her so many times about plans and places to live that she's more sensitive to it. On the flip side, I've had my friends take advantage of me being willing to work more to bail them out of financial situations, and I come from a pretty impoverished background, so I'm very sensitive to feeling like someone just wants me around so I can help them live more comfortably.
How do I communicate that she can't assume that I'll be able to move up exactly along a pre-established timeline without making her feel like I don't want to move up at all?
TL;DR: My partner really wants me to move up ASAP, but I feel like it's mostly so she can move out of her parent's home. Whenever I mention factors that might keep me in my state longer, she becomes very worried and asks me to promise that the timeline we agreed upon earlier is the same. How do I tell her that I will move up when it makes sense financially, and that it stresses me out a ton to feel like she's relying on me to be able to move out, without making her feel like I don't want to move up at all?