Please excuse the long text as I feel like there needs to be proper context here to get the most meaningful opinion from the folks in this thread. I appreciate this thread being open for folks who feel vulnerable like I am right now.
I (27m) matched with this girl on hinge (25f) but took us nearly 2 months of dialogue to schedule our first date. I had a week of travels and she was also super busy and actually lost a family member so it was clear the last thing she needed was to hear from a guy from a dating app. Normally I would’ve given up and just accepted that this person wasn’t meant to be but I had a gut feeling to be patient and keep trying and at least she was still interesting in a date. Boy am I glad I waited.
7 dates later over the course of 4 months, I’ve never been happier in my life. We haven’t seen each other’s places as we both agreed to take things slow but we were having fun. I opened up to her, validated my feelings for her, and just constantly told her how great she has been and how much she’s made me a better person. In terms of sex, we haven’t done it yet as the opportunity hasn’t presented itself but that’s where date 8 came in where she finally came over to my place and I made us dinner. We started to make out on my bed, slowly take her clothes off and go down on her, she loves it. I said I was going to get my condom and she said she didn’t want to have sex. Surprised but not upset, I respected her decision and we went back to making out. She lays me on my back and starts giving me head and I loved it. After like 10 minutes she got tired and I felt like I was close, I asked her if she was tired and she said “yes”, so I told her to “come here” and we continued making out and I just ended up finishing myself after 3 minutes ish. Afterwards she said thanks for not pushing the sex and respecting her decision and we said our goodbyes, looking forward to the next date.
She texts me the next day pretty late into the day without speaking to me all day, saying after some thought she wasn’t interested in seeing me anymore. Asking her why, the biggest reason was what happened in the bedroom that night, saying that my decision to touch myself at the end was wrong and that I should’ve asked her for her consent. I told her I was sorry and regretted that decision and she acknowledged my remorse and apology, but said “it’s over” between us.
I am absolutely gutted. We had some fun plans lined up in the future and now they’re nothing but dreams. For someone like me who has issues with trusting my instincts, I was never more sure that she was the one for me. She brought me so much joy and now I feel like I have nothing. I did apologize for not being able to cum when she was giving me head and acknowledged that after 8 dates and four months, having a real intimate moment I was nervous at the end of the night. But the big thing was she didn’t want sex and I respected that. Truthfully, was I wrong to not ask her for consent by touching myself there at the end to finish? I can see where she came from but in the moment I would’ve never thought about to ask her. I just knew she was tired so I just took over and we continued to make out.
She was the best thing that’s happened to me and now I only feel regret and sadness. Thank you guys for your honest thoughts