I (36M) am in a long-term, committed, monogamous relationship with my partner (39F) and we recently had a conversation that led to us talking about some of our fantasies due to bit of a lull in our sex life. One thing that I left out, though, because I honestly feel a little embarrassed talking about it (to anyone, really, other than a bunch of internet strangers I guess) is the kink/fantasy of being cuckolded.
Although I’m not sure how cleanly it falls into the category of “cuckolding” since I don’t necessarily want to be humiliated, and to be honest I have a slightly mixed up internal response at the thought of her sleeping with someone else. On one hand I get kind of aroused by it, but I also feel a competing sense of jealousy and repulsion, and I don’t exactly know what to do with these feelings. I think I just fucking love her receiving pleasure so much that I want to see it happen in every possible way, and her having sex with someone else is a way that she hasn’t experienced at all since we’ve been together.
In practice, however, I’m not sure I would want it to actually do it because of the risk of jealousy and/or turning into something more with another person and potentially losing her. So I’m wondering if I should maybe bring it up as a role play scenario or something? But I dunno, would that plant it in her mind as something that she then wants to make a reality? Has anyone else felt this way? And if so, what did you do about it, and how did it go? Thanks!