I’m copying the text of u/Biwildered_Coyote ‘s post on the two x sub about sexual coercion. I find I see too often people on this sub casually talking about sexually coercing people or even giving advice to sexually coerce people, so I thought it would be helpful to provide this info:

I just saw a recent post where a man was on this sub arguing about what sexual coercion means. So I thought I would post this for those who aren’t sure what it is exactly…since most of us ladies have experienced it many many times and sometimes weren’t even aware of what was happening. Of course it can also be a woman as the aggressor, or two people of the same gender etc…either way, don’t be a creepy f\*\*king rapist and pressure people into having sex with you.

Examples of sexual coercion:

Harassment: Repeatedly asking someone for sex when they have expressed disinterest is coercive behavior, especially if it intends to wear someone down until they give in.

Guilt: A person may try to make someone feel guilty for saying no to sex. For example, they may emphasize how long it has been since they last had sex, say that the person owes them sex, or that it is their her obligation from her her as their partner.

Lies: A person may use misinformation to coax someone to have sex with them. They may use myths about consent to convince someone they have no right to say no, make false promises, or tell them their demands or coercive behaviors are normal.

Threats to the relationship: A person may threaten to leave a relationship if someone does not consent to sex. Alternatively, they may play on their partner’s insecurities, such as by suggesting they are boring or unattractive if they say no, or that they will start being unfaithful.

Blackmail: This is when someone weaponizes secret information about a person to force them into having sex. For example, the might perpetrators to release nude photographs online if someone does not consent to sex.

Fear and intimidation: A person may behave in a scary or intimidating manner when they don’t get their way to pressure someone into sex.

Power imbalance: A person may use the power they get from their job, status, or wealth to coerce someone. They may threaten someone with job loss, lower grades, a tarnished reputation, or other negative consequences if they do not agree. Alternatively, they may promise rewards and opportunities.

Using substances: A person may encourage someone to use drugs or alcohol to make them more compliant and therefore easier to coerce into sex. If a person has sex with someone while inebriated or unconscious, this is rape.

Edit: Sorry if I gave the impression that I wrote this list (I’m not that cool) it actually came from this article, so please share it if you like [https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/sexual-coercion](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/sexual-coercion)

10 comments

  1. A nice list and explanations. I do have a question about “ Threat to the relationship”: if that is something a person is seeking and they are not compatible, why is that not being honest and ending the relationship if intimacy is not available? The option would be to have tinder hookups while waiting for the other person to decide.

  2. Thank you. My ex was like this. Very controlling and abusive very forceful. Such as “fine I’ll go find a girl who will do what I want.” Or “if you don’t do what I want I’ll hurt you until I get what I want ” actually ruined sex for me alot. Also had me believe that you have to because it’s your partner that you’re not allowed to say no. I’m with someone good now but I have a hard time with it. Luckily my boyfriend is amazing and very respectful even after three years. He’s not pushy at all. His advances are more playful and fun and not aggressive and scary. And if either of us doesn’t want it then we back off. Thanks for posting this because it could save alot of people from what I and others have been through.

  4. Yes some of this is true and some of it is complete b*******.

    I’ve been drunk at a bar and gone home with women I wish I hadn’t gone home with. Did they rape me?
    Am I really not responsible for my own behavior because I had a few drinks?
    Let me guess , this only applies with the genders reversed.

  5. Ehhh. Too simplified to be held to any real standard it sounds good on reddit though.

  6. This is very good content. The only one I feel iffy about is threatening to leave the relationship.

    My understanding that it is wrong to use the threat as coercion for sex but at the same token I think it is fine to have dealbreaker even if shallow.

    So an example would be ending a courtship if you don’t have sex within a certain time period (eg: the standard 3 dates) as your time and needs should be just as valuable as hers, ergo if they are not being met you shouldn’t feel guilty about simply moving on to other prospects.

    TL;DR: it is okay to leave a relationship if your needs are not being met, and communicating your desire to do so is fine. However you shouldn’t try and coerce sex by threatening to leave a relationship.

  8. Ugh thanks. I’ve had many dudes try to explain that away how wrong I am on reddit when I stated something was sexual coercion and they just kept repeating the definition of the word ‘coercion’. So many never can make the connection that ‘sexual coercion’ is its own thing that can’t simply be explained by the individual words.

  9. My ex used to just beg me over and over to “help him out” or he would be blue balled. Even if this happened after 30 minutes of sex and I wanted to stop he wouldn’t take no for an answer. Just because you are dating someone does not mean you owe them

  10. Just a reminder that coercion sexually isn’t just for PIV sex or even when it involves sexual organs.

    Sexual coercion starts with pressure for touching, undressing, kissing, etc.

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