Context: Recently went out with a group of friends from college for a mutual friend's birthday. Our friend (who I am closest to) was not able to be at the dinner but would meet up with us later. She is typically the person that would lead conversations and I could tell the table was a lot quieter than normal. I have individual friendships with 3 of the 5 other people at the table but I've never really clicked with the 2 others. But those two are very kind and I like listening to them and being around them. This friend group is a very mellow girl's girl kind of group and most of them are religious but seem to be okay that I am not.
The actual conversation: Birthday girl immediately pulled the cilantro off her dish and put it to the side. I asked her if she was one of the people who thinks cilantro tastes like soap. We talk for a bit about how some people can taste that but she doesnt. She just happens to not like the taste of cilantro. I mentioned I taste the soap thing in cilantro but I am strange and still like it. Another friend comments about how many people would actually know what soap tastes like. Another one of my friends that I am closer to made a joke about possibly swearing too much and maybe a bit of soap would have cleared that up as a kid (sarcastic).
My stupid comment: I responded to my friend saying at least most families know to use barred soap. My mom used liquid soap and I'll never forget how that tasted.
The reaction: My friends, particularly the ones I'm not closer to looked horrified. I genuinely was trying to be funny. Yes, it's true but I thought it was funny because it is so ridiculous and I only realized how ridiculous it was as an adult. But, I wasn't expecting that reaction and I immediately regretted participating in the conversation. I don't want to be the emotionally exhausting trauma friend that people have around for pitty and I definitely don't want to make comments that make people uncomfortable.
In some of my more edgy friend groups I feel a level of stress because I know the people around me aren't always taking care of themselves. I've also been friends with people who let their whole personalities be their past and how other people treated them. I get frustrated when it becomes something that they won't work on and I fall into a care giver role. But I've never felt like I was that friend until today.
My questions: Did I break social etiquette in my friend group? Am I pretending to fit in because I don't have the same background as all my friends? I don't want friendships based around shared emotional trauma but does that mean I should never mention my experiences? Why do I feel like an outcast when I am surrounded by people that have happy families?
Can someone give me some insight because I miss so many social cues and I only let my guard down for a second. Now I'm embarrassed.