TLDR; my girlfriend told me that she did coke with and then watched two of her friends she hangs out with somewhat consistently have sex. Afterwards, she mentioned being excited by this, and expressing some discontent with our sex. We argue, make up, and have sex that night. The next day she takes me on a hike with her friends to spend the day with her, then drops that she wants to go on a break at the end of the hike, no timeline or plan really, but she told me she didn’t want to date anyone but we are considered broken up.
Hey all, alt account since my girlfriend (or ex?) is on here. So me (M28) and my girlfriend (F34) have been together for about 3.5 years now. Things have been wonderful all things considered. We shared a lot of the same hobbies, we were open to trying new things together, we traveled together, we often read books together, we did a lot together but we were in a long-distance relationship this whole time. We’ve had many talks about the future and our vision seemed to align. We had plans of moving in together later this year. She even started looking for apartments in her area for us since she knows the area well, despite expressing hesitation about moving in earlier in our relationship. We talked about things like getting married and having children. Before we were dating, she was against it, but once she met me and I expressed that’s what I wanted, she became much more excited by the idea.
Everything changed a little over a week ago when she told me she wanted to talk about something when I came to see her, as we had planned to go on a hike with some of her friends. When we talked, she told me that there is something missing from our sex life, she wants to practice more domination play (something she’s mentioned before) and for me to be more vocal, and that she feels somewhat unsatisfied by our sex life now. No problem to me, we don’t see each other that often and we’re about to move in together, we can work on that when we see each other more often. Then she drops this on me: while staying with some friends for an anime convention, she did coke and watched two of her friends have sex and it really turned her on.
Now the news about the coke was shocking, but I’ve tried it before, it doesn’t bother me too much—I kinda just wish we tried it together for her first time. But what did bother me was that apparently there was another guy in the room and her friends felt comfortable enough to just fuck with her in the room.
All of this made me very upset and I left her place and went for a drive. I just felt weird about her feeling comfortable enough to watch her friends, especially the guy, since she has mentioned him coming to the gym with her friend group, and them being cool about all of this. Just rubbed me the wrong way. Anyway, I come back and we talk it over, and she mentions wanting to go on a break. When I confront her and say a break means a breakup to me, she starts crying and saying she doesn’t want to lose me. I don’t want to lose her either; I really love this woman, but I felt odd about the whole situation. That night we had sex, and I tried to be more vocal and rough with her. She seemed to enjoy it and we both came.
The next day I contemplated if I still wanted to go on this hike, having some confusing feelings about the whole interaction. She said she hoped I would and I decided to. On the drive to the hiking spot, we reaffirmed our love and commitment to one another. We held hands all day, were lovey-dovey in front of everyone like things were back to normal. That was until we were walking back to the car. She then drops a bomb on me that she wants a break. I confirm that she knows a break means a breakup to me, and she confirmed and agreed that’s what she meant. She cried and told me she loved me, that it wasn’t me it was her, all that stuff. When I asked her if she wanted to pursue other relationships she said no. We drove back and didn’t say much since I had to ride with her friends in the car with us, which further upset me.
When we got back to her house, I said some not-nice things and really just expressed how hurt I was. We were so good for each other and she just ended it like it was nothing. She didn’t give me a timeline for the break but it’s been about a week and I really miss her. We had a camping trip planned for next week, so I’m still gonna go but I’ll just go by myself. I still don’t fully understand why we went on a break though; I wanted to give her some space. I wanted to give her some space because she seemed to be navigating some difficult emotions. I figured after three weeks I’d reach out and see where she was mentally.
To me, our relationship seems salvageable, but has anyone ever taken a break like this and come back from it? I just don’t know if I can trust her after ending things so abruptly, especially when it felt like we were about to take the next step together. No, I don’t think she cheated, but I do question how appropriate the relationship with these friends is.