I'm in my 40's dating a wonderful person who I will probably marry someday. My sexual history is that I lost my virginity at 14 when I really didn't understand what was even happening. I grew up in a male dominated family and that then lead into a slow learning curve of how to stand up for myself and also say no. During my teens and early young adult years I ended up sleeping with a decent amount of people (maybe 30 idk) mostly because I wanted peoples approval and had poor self esteem and also happen to be attractive and have a nice body. I am pretty traumatized myself that it all occurred and wish I had it all to do over and barely even acknowledge the truth to myself.
My question is do I tell my amazing BF all of this truth? When asked how many partners I have had I basically have said 20 but really I started counting the people that I consented with and wanted to be with and not all that before which would make it more like 50 I'm not even sure. I don't want to be looked at differently and he is an amazing person but I also want to have an honest transparent life and my story is my story. Thoughts?