So me 16F and my bf 16M have been with each other for only 4 months but I'm staring to question whether I actually love him. So fist of all looking back to our first dates and "the talking stage" I remember that I didn't really have any strong feelings at that time. For some time before we met while my friends had crushes and boyfriends I wasn't even interested in any romantic relationships so when I actually developed a need of one and me and my bf started texting I was really excited purely about the fact that I'm going on dates. I felt good with him, I liked talking to him but it wasn't anything that I've never experienced before. (Excluding the romantic part ofc) It just wasn't anything special and rn I'm starting to wonder if "special" shouldn't be exactly what dates with the person you love are. I also never had a crush on him and when I listen to my friends' stories about their boyfriends I start thinking "hey it didn't look like that with my bf" I wasn't so excited about him but more about the thought of having a boyfriend. Also from the beginning I had some problems with some things he said, don't get me wrong he's a very polite and amazing person but sometimes his mindset was just really weird for me. I do not like his sense of humor, I mean I laugh with him sometimes but his jokes which he calls dark humour often revolve around being racist and sexist or just sex so topics that can be funny sometimes but in this case are really poorly executed which makes them just either offensive or cringe or often both. We also have some sexual struggles like that often when he tries to be sexy he just really turns me off and he has a very soft personality (unlike me) so when he tries to be dominant or something it just doesn't really work out. Another thing that makes me question out relationship is that I do not have my eyes only for him. Don't get me wrong I would never ever cheat and I don't flirt with anyone but I can imagine and I do imagine other people with me. Like I fantasize about other people (only imaginary ones or celebrities) and I just feel like I shouldn't even want to do so. And the last thing is that we have completely different life goal, dreams and want different lifestyles. At first I thought it was just a few of them but now I feel like they are completely different and for that reason I cannot imagine my future with him. Now why I think I might me wrong and I don't wanna break up. First of all he is an amazing boyfriend, I'm almost never mad at him, he is loyal, he always complements me, he does his best to cheer me up and would literally take a bullet for me. He is a perfect boyfriend, a huge green flag and the sweetest person alive. It's also not like I don't have feeling for him, I like spending time with him we go out a lot and even though I almost never text people because I hate doing it he's the only person I text on a daily basis simply because I feel the need to. I'm really attached to him and a lot in my life revolves around him right now. We have many mutual friends I know his parents he knows mine. And about the future and goals, I have very specific ones and honestly I don't know if I can expect anyone to also wanna persue them rn. Also I didn't mention it before but I'm in hight school right now, I never really expected that any relationships at this time would survive. I also don't know why I would break up with him, he didn't do anything, he's amazing so why would I do that? But at the same time I know in the back of my head that we will eventually break up and I will be with someone else, I don't know if I want to just wait like that for something to ruin our relationship or for me to meet somebody else. Especially the second thing like that's cruel! I'm also afraid that I might have some weird perception of love and that I just expected too much when this is what love actually is.
What do u think?
tl;dr
Idk if I love my bf. His humor offends me, and we have sex issues I also fantasize about others and our life goals differ.
But he's a perfect bf. I don't have any reasons to break up but I don't wanna wait for something to go wrong or for someone else to come along.