My ex (22M) proposed to my friend (21F) at my birthday party. What do I do?
Two days ago I (21F) turned, well, 21. Now I'm somebody who doesn't really prefer hosting super extravagant birthday parties, and I haven't had a big one since like, 10 years.
But turning 21 is a huge milestone, or so I've heard, so I decided to invite over a handful of my friends to my house, and then take them out to a karaoke bar to end the night with a blast.
Now among the list of people that were summoned to my house, there's this girl "Jo", who's been a close acquaintance since we were in high school.
The thing about Jo is that me and her both grew up in the same neighbourhood, went to the same school, and neither of us moved out of state for college. Now in first year of college, I dated a guy "Ian" who became pretty tight with my friend circle that included Jo.
Long story short, me and Ian broke up and then he and Jo started dating about two weeks after. This kinda caused some general friction between Jo and me, but we caught up a few months later. There, we communicated about it, and I decided it doesn't really bother me that much, so we're cool now.
I haven't really seen Ian a lot after we broke up, so I guess it really never stood out as a real obstacle to me. I knew Jo and him were together for a while, but neither of them are very active on social media, so I wasn't reminded of it that often. Me and Jo mostly interacted over text, and our topics of conversation almost never revolved around well, my ex and her current bf.
Now, back to the party. I invited Jo and some others, and we had a ball at my house till it was time for dinner. So our initial destination was this Italian restaurant I really was looking forward to visiting, but unfortunately the mall it was located inside had to shut down that very evening due to a fire breaking out.
I was apprised about the new development only upon reaching there. I tried to hide my disappointment, but one of my friends noticed and suggested we go to a nearby karaoke bar she really likes instead. I'd never gone to one before, so I was really into the idea of trying it out.
On getting there, I was pleasantly surprised. I was having a great time. I got a few drinks in my system, and watched my friends embarrass themselves onstage and was inspired to follow suit.
Only, about half an hour in, I was jumpscared by Jo, who had disappeared for a while and then suddenly rematerialized, apparently having stumbled upon Ian at the same bar. They looked very eager to spend this sparkling night together.
I instantly felt quite awkward, and Ian didn't even acknowledge my existence apart from the customary "how's life?" small talk…but all that didn't seem like a valid enough reason to ruin a good thing at the time.
Still I was taken a bit aback, especially since now that he was integrated into my circle, I'd feel compelled to pay for his food and drinks as well. Plus he's very loud and little unabashed when it comes to hogging the spotlight, and while I appreciate that energy, just not on my birthday.
However, it was a fun night and I didn't want to spoil the mood. So, I got up on stage and I almost forgot about the whole ordeal for a while. I breezed through a few songs, some duets, the details are blurry…and then it came to this song "I Wanna Be Yours" by the Arctic Monkeys.
Now I want to preface this by saying I'm a huge fan of the Arctic Monkeys, but I was a little hesitant to approach that particular song because back when me and Ian were still dating, that song was kind of "our song".
Like there was a whole history of it playing on the speakers when we first met, our very first conversation was provoked by said song, it was the first song I played on the guitar for him, and every time it came on the radio I'd go on a rant about how special it was to whoever was listening.
But you know what, it was my favorite song even after the breakup, and honestly all of this hadn't really hit me like that when I started butchering it onstage. It was honestly going great, and I was feeling myself, it was all very groovy and smooth till I got to the chorus.
I hadn't even noticed what happened till I heard a raucous crowd of drunk folks cheering and clapping and lo and behold ; Ian was down on one knee and he had proposed to Jo. Oh well, my heart dropped as he was still actively getting through the sentimental speech.
I laughed nervously and stumbled off the stage and congratulated them. How else do you even handle something like this? In the midst of my stupor, I didn't process it well in the slightest.
Jo predictably said yes and looked sooo elated. I thought the whole thing was sort of seedy, because does Ian just carry around a ring in his pocket, holding out for the right oppurtunity?? And how on earth is NOW the right opportunity? Like I know he's tipsy, but come on.
Anyways, I obviously couldn't start interrogating the couple on cloud nine, so instead I clicked a littany of pictures of them and tried to keep things moving. Ian went up on stage and took the song up where I left it off. He dedicated it to Jo, as one might expect.
I however, felt really disoriented and overwhelmed. I mean I was happy for them, but the whole focus shifted to them afterwards, obviously, and the night was cut short as Ian scooped Jo away in his getaway car and all my friends dispersed as well. (I found out some of them regrouped later in the night, and partied elsewhere downtown. Great.)
Everthing had gone too far off the rails, and the only car we took to get to the bar belonged to Jo. As it turns out, that vehicle was used by her and Ian to elope.
So I had to find my way back home alone in an Uber, whilst being incredibly wasted. Also someone stole my phone at the bar amidst all the chaos, so it was REALLY not my day.
Now I had planned this night for weeks, and I just saw it going very differently. It's a ridiculous thing to linger on, but I just can't help it.
Flash forward to a busy day or two later, and I just don't know how to move forward with this. Like a 21st birthday, as foolish as it sounds, is a once in a lifetime thing (I mean literally, you only turn a particular age ONCE).
Now it'll forever bear a connotation of my ex and my childhood friend stealing the show…both of who, mind you, probably started dating in the first place after Ian cheated on me.
So I'm invited to the wedding and Jo's gleefully planning the Bachelorette and everything and involving me. Jeez. Should I just be a goddamn adult now that I legally am one and go along with it, or confront them about the weird night? Or cut ties?
Look I know it's not that big of a deal, but idk. Need advice on how to proceed foward and tackle these very delicate dynamics.