Exactly as the title says. I (30F) can’t bring anything to my fiance (29M) – from small logistical things to larger problems between us – to him about him. If I say “hey, can you give me more heads up next time so I can plan accordingly” or if I say “I don’t feel like you support my emotions and it leaves me feeling chronically abandoned,” it’s the same result. He immediately jumps to what he calls “the facts” of the situation to try and explain why he didn’t do anything wrong.
At this point, we’ve been together 8 years and are getting married next month. He’s a good man, takes care of everyone around him, is super active with dog duty and wedding planning (like our vendors compliment him), and he’s a perfectionist at work. But he’s so busy doing all these other things that he never takes the time to check in on himself and his emotional maturity is completely stunted. He’s so exhausted that I think every little thing to him is critical or negative and it’s not. I was a psych major, I talk to him about these things all the time! I stay calm, I use “I” language, and I carefully explain my point and the issue at hand.
NOTHING I do can prevent him from eventually gaslighting me and saying “nothing is ever good enough for you, you always have a problem with me.” Please help! Any suggestions for dealing with an immature adult who can’t take feedback?