I'm keeping this as vague as possible to avoid connections because my friend is also a redditor
My friend (30F) and I (28F) have been working on starting a streaming channel and had some productive and fun sessions. However due to extenuating circumstances I have had to cancel at the last minute 3 times over the last couple of months. She was understandably frustrated and said that I was not respecting her time – totally fair, I apologized and acknowledged that I need to be more consistent, but she also made the accusation that if I couldn't shape up that she would see me as an undependable person who can't handle this commitment.
I tried to explain that while I can and should be better about keeping our agreed times, life is frequently unpredictable and I would appreciate not having my character impugned due to the circumstances I had to deal with. She responded with rididicule along the lines of "you can't even keep this minor commitment?" And I simply reiterated there are important things I sometimes need to attend to at the last minute, like family and work, which frankly are more important than this project. She decided not to respond at all; it has been over a week
While she's been a good friend in the past, I feel she crossed a line by insulting my ability and presuming I'm skipping out on our recording sessions because I don't care or respect her, and then ghosting on the conversation. I feel this is petty and immature behavior, but as you might have guessed my friend does not react well to being challenged. And to be clear she has done some very disrespectful stuff to me in the past that I forgave her for.
This feels like a critical point in our frienship, because I think she will only get angry when I bring up that her behavior is not what I expect from a friend.
If your instinct is to say "this is not a good friend just stop being friends," I'm considering that if she can't handle the conversation, but we've been through a lot together and supported each other, and I would prefer not to lose a friendship over something so petty as being offended by me asking for some understanding.
What are some strategies I can use to guide the conversation in a calm way, and de-escalate if she starts to get mad?