Hello. We've been together about 1.5 years. To my partner, it seems like everything is always bad all the time. I understand depression, I've been diagnosed with MDD(major depressive disorder) myself and am on an SSRI that works for me. I'm not NOT depressed, it never disappears, but it's much more manageable these days. However I do remember well when things were NOT so manageable for me. I dropped out of college because of it, I get it.
I understand therapy and medication are a luxury, and not everybody has insurance or can afford it. So far in our relationship she has not had health insurance so we have not been able to get her therapy or meds. I don't know if she would be willing to or not anyway, I've tried looking for free or low cost options and I've offered to pay for it but she's never seemed interested.
Whenever we try to plan something to do I know she will probably not feel up to it and cancel. We don't go out to eat, don't hang out with friends, we mainly sit at home. I work full time, make meals for us, wash the dishes, do laundry, and pay most of our bills. And it seems like still,everything is always bad. Something is still wrong, something to be negative about.
I let her move into my apartment early on, and she complains about it constantly and how much she hates living here. I never expected two to live here, and I mostly pay the rent and all the bills.
I feel oftentimes like a caretaker more than a partner. I make her food, do her laundry, clean up, pay the bills… We don't have sex anymore and can't talk about it without it getting emotional. I don't want to end it but I also don't think I can do this forever. I'm hoping things can get better somehow.