7 years back I was laid off from a job and after months of looking I moved to a another city for a new job. Shortly after moving I met my now wife on a dating site. I initially had reservations about making it long term because I found her highly anxious, always having health issues and her house was a maximalist close to a hoarder house. We dated for a year and then she proposed and I was swept away and said yes. After we married , 8 months later we bought a fixer upper house and she got pregnant and 2 weeks before the baby was due quit her teaching job without discussing with me. Then my parents visited after the baby was born and two weeks later my Dad passed away suddenly in the house. Then Covid came and it’s all of a blur. My house is a maximalist house and it makes me anxious. It’s been 5 years and wife still works part time at a nursery without looking for a full time job. She is constantly doing projects,getting contractors to this fixer upper borderline hoarder split level house. I want to sell and move to a different house but she acts like that’s not a choice. My mother has visited a couple of times and she doesn’t like it because it has memories of my Dad dying here and so do I. But my wife refuses to move and keeps on doing more house renovation and projects. She is constantly digging in the yard and planting stuff or replanting something. Our sex life is miserable and probably happens once every 2-3 months and has to start with me giving her a massage while she just lays starfish and has neither initiated nor done anything for me. I feel so anxious and stressed most of the time and that I doom scroll on my phone and cannot think straight. I make way more than her and pay the mortgage , daycare , food, insurances,most of the contractor and renovation stuff. I also do about 35% of household chores including helping with our kid. I also plan and pay for all trips we have been on and on every trip she has shouted at me because I wanted to stick to a plan and see something like a historical monument while she just wanted to amble around and check out the street and neighborhood. She also owns a townhouse from before our marriage and refuses to sell it saying the $300 extra profit from the rent and asset is good.I have been asking her to sell it and sell our current house too so we can buy a nicer house which is not a fixer upper split level but something more long term – doesn’t need to be huge or fancy.
tl;dr: I just feel that ever since I met her my life feels like it’s spinning out of control. My wfh job is on autopilot, I am always tired and cannot look for a better job or try to advance. I feel anxious and I don’t know what’s going on. Before meeting her I felt like a very easy going laidback but professionally focused person with interests and friends.I wasn’t super neat but was fairly clean and had minimal stuff. Not sure what’s happened to me. Wondering if I need to go to therapy.