Phones were never issue before, it’s always been an open thing never thought anything of it, we would use each others phones all the time.
Well now he’s been defensive over it and won’t let me see it. He says that if I see it I would cause problems, that only made me want to see it more. So curiosity got to me, and I may be wrong for doing it, bc I known it’s frowned upon to snoop, but if I didn’t i wouldn’t have known what I know now.
So I went through it and found pictures he screenshots of his ex girlfriend and girls he liked/crushed on. I saw his instagram and he heart eyed every promiscuous photo posted. Never family photos, always the sexy ones. So not only was he publicly liking and heart reacting to every story of theirs, for them to be notified that he likes them. He’s saving the photos to his phone, leaves it there for a day deletes them and then does it again on repeat with new photos.
I told him that I don’t feel uncomfortable with him lusting at these woman, and the fact that he knows them and has had a past with them makes me feel even more uneasy. To be honest I know what he uses the photos for and that just makes me feel worse. I send him photos and he doesn’t use mine he uses theirs.
I have a very high drive so there isn’t a lack in that department where it’s where I’m not giving. But even then it’s still inexcusable to be doing. He says all guys do it and if a guy says he doesn’t he’s lying. And I just think he’s wrong, I don’t think a man who is happily married would be actively saving pictures of his exes on his phone to get off on, and for their wives to be ok with it. Maybe there is a small percentage, but that’s not me and I’m not ok with it. But he refuses to stop.
He says he will keep doing it and just hide it better, and that what I don’t know won’t hurt me. I said that is a terrible mindset to be in and that’s completely unfair to me. When I’ve been nothing but a good wife to him.
When he’s gotten drunk he’s DMed his ex on IG(that he doesn’t even follow) and another girl he knows and messaged her asking “when was she going to let him eat that”? Another girl he was heart reacting so much she dmed him asking if he was single and ready to mingle. The way he presents himself online with all the heart reactions is giving people the wrong idea, and is embarrassing for me, bc he’s married and most people on his IG do know that.
He screenshots picture of another ex that he’s friends with on IG and then during one conversation said he would stop and that same night he did it again followed by the next day continuing to do it.
I told him again yesterday that I’m not ok with this and he still does it, and I said it’s wrong that he has pictures of his ex on his phone, to which he blurted out I wish I was with them, their life looks so great and mine is shit and miserable.
I do love him, and it really hurts me, but I have to love myself more and say when is enough? Enough? He doesn’t really love me, bc if he did he wouldn’t be doing this over and over again. He’s the provider and I’m a stay at home mom, not out of luxury but bc we couldn’t afford to put my child in daycare for me to also work a day job, I’ve been looking for jobs to do in the evening but without knowing the time will be home makes it difficult, I’ve put out so many resumes for remote positions, all the evening jobs I’m even finding are all young jobs for hs/college kids. And wouldn’t be enough money for rent, car, groceries, ect. I feel so trapped not having a career, I’m trying to juggle my options neither of us is in a position to live on our own, we live in a expensive area, cost of living and rent is through the roof, our credits suck.
One moment he says he loves me and wants everything to work out and that he’s just stressed. Then the next he doesn’t want to try and he’s faking it to keep the peace and just hiding everything.
He thinks I’m crazy for feeling the way I feel and says I’m always nagging, but I wouldn’t have to bring up the problems if they would get resolved, he doesn’t want to fix anything he rather just be single then try to work or fix our relationship. I just feel guilt for my kids and I know I shouldn’t want to stay being treated like this, it just breaks my heart to know if one day he moves on and treat the next person the way I always dreamed of being treated. I wish to not be able to feel a heartbreak or for my heart to be moved on before that happens, but it’s not something that can be planned. I know I’m not alone in this, but I feel so alone.
I have no one and wouldn’t want people to know about this.
There are other issues too but this is already long, and just stick to one issue.