I’m 37 and still wrecked by the emotional disconnect I’ve had with my dad since what feels like the day I was born. We were never on good terms. I would often look to him for approval, and it never came. There was no shortage of beatings, criticism, animosity towards my friends, disinterest in my life, lack of guidance, and deafening silence in the moments when I needed encouragement.
No dad is perfect, but what baffles me is the complete lack of self awareness regarding his emotional unavailability. How does a dad look at his son and not feel a fiery desire to build him up and shepherd him into becoming a confident and capable individual? How does a dad repeatedly beat down his son both emotionally and physically and on a visceral level just not understand that that is going to cause damage that goes deeper than he could know?
What’s more is that in the face of that reality, he has not budged. All 3 of his sons have passionately expressed grievances about his approach to parenting and yet he has only grown more resistant to the criticism.
For the dads out there, how is this possible?