I don’t know if any of you could help me or give me some advice, but I’m struggling right now with my romantic relationship. We are together for six years. My bf introduced me into Femdom, but it took me about 3 years to really dive into it. We didn’t have many sessions through out those years. Our relationship hit rock bottom now, both realizing that things went wrong. We both had stuff going on in our lives, him having a chronic illness and me having a toxic work environment. We argued almost daily. I wasn’t really living in those past years, I almost forgot everything that happened. Now I have much more time and I’m thinking about me, myself and all stuff that went wrong with me. (Me shutting off, me having problems communicating, etc. I’m also searching for a therapist rn)
He felt alone and I didn’t feel loved. We were on a short break last week (I was on vacation for a week) and I gave him the permission to find play partners. I didn’t really think that it will work or that he will find something that lasts, but he did find one. They were playing online for some days and he said he haven’t felt that good in a long time. He told her about me and the problems we have right now and they are writing a lot. It makes me insecure and I told him this, but he said she is just a kinky friend and he will continue to write with her, to have a kinky friend.
I came back from vacation, we talked about everything and we want to try everything out again, but my bf told me he isn’t sure if he loves me anymore. This hit me really hard. He isn’t sure what love is and he said he needs time to get back to me.
We said we want to learn to trust each other again and also start with femdom sessions again, we already talked about the most things involving this kink. The first sessions went okay, I really felt good and he said he liked it but he couldn’t really go into subspace. He says it’s still off for him, but he really wants to try. I learned to love domming in the last months.
We both agreed that we spent too much time together, almost every free minute since living together (3 years). And that’s maybe where we went wrong. Now we agreed on 2 days in the week where we won’t do anything with one another. Now I don’t know what I should do or think.
He is writing with his kinky friend the whole day. He says she is giving him the feeling like someone is interested in him. And I feel like he doesn’t really try to get to me. He doesn’t acknowledge that I show him interest too. I am trying really hard I ask him about it a lot, we talk a lot but it’s really hard right now.
I really want this to work out, but I don’t know if we are wasting time.
Of course there is a lot more to this story, but maybe someone has advice for me.
TLDR; me and bf of 6 years are stuck right now, not knowing how to continue, it also involves kink.