Hello reddit, I made this account literally a few minutes ago just to post this because my roommate knows about my main account (and also it would be weird for me to go from posting about Mario games to this). Anyways, I'm in a bit of a situation. So I (21M) think I fell in love with my college roommate, J ( 22F ). We're on summer break right now but we still live together because neither of us re ofally want to go back home and we can luckily afford it.
Now calling her my roommate is accurate but it's not really the full picture, we're also best friends. At least I think so. We met when I was 12 and she was 13 and we just really got along. We've been super close all the time we've known each other, but I didn't start to develop feelings for her until after we moved in together. We both took a gap year after highschool and decided to be roommates when we both wanted to go to the same school (I'm studying animation and shes studying botany). I thought that things were just gonna be normal like they always were, but things started to change once we spent literally every day together. I started noticing the little things she did in her day to day life that I wasn't around to see before. The way she pretends to use a kazoo while doing chores, the way she scrunches up her nose and makes silly faces at herself when we brush our teeth, the way she looks at me after she comes back from an evening class and I've made dinner for the both of us.
At first I thought it was just a crush, and I would just get over it. And I kept telling myself that, but god it's been two years since then and it's just gotten more intense. Sometimes when we're sitting together and playing a game or watching a movie I catch myself just looking at her with the stupid expression on my face (it's happened so often that she calls it me going 'astronaut mode'). I usually say I'm just thinking about something because I can't tell her that the reason I'm spacing out is that I'm just thinking about how gorgeous her eyes are, I'd probably just explode. And even worse, she's a massive cuddler and really likes to playfully cling onto me. Every time she does this it feels like my heart is gonna explode, and I feel bad for hesitating too because she gets worried about me if I don't hug her back and asks if I'm ok or I'm not in the mood.
She's incredibly kind and thoughtful and I just feel gross because I know I'm absolutely full on in love with her but I'm keeping it from her, and I'm letting her do these things like cuddle with me or platonically flirt with me, and it feels like I'm taking advantage of her because I haven't told her I like her and she'd probably be uncomfortable with me if she knew. Neither of us have ever had a partner and I really want to tell her because what if she actually accepts it, and if I wait and she gets a partner I could lose that possibility? But I'm terrified I'm gonna lose my best friend in the entire world if I tell her and she doesn't feel the same.
So reddit please tell me. Do I tell her? And how do I say it? I'm pretty sure I'm just gonna explode into a fireball if I keep dancing around in uncertainty. Thanks in advance.
TLDR; I'm in love with my best friend/roommate and it makes me want to explode because I'm not telling her. What can I do about it?