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For me, it would be that beautiful rush after a solo orgasm. In that moment, I feel lush and endless, like I am full of life and power. I truly believe, for a moment, I am created with beauty and joy and I am endless in what I can create and succeed in. Every day I beat myself up for not being enough, or doing enough, or looking like how the world tells me I should. But, in the quiet of my own solitude, with no expectations or requirements needed of me, in the warmth of my own body and my own pleasure, I lie there more alive and more deeply connected than I ever am. For once, I am perfect and I wish I could live in that calm confidence all the other moments.
I had a c section and held my baby for the first time. I nearly died and killed my mum in labour. Bring told my son also had a cord tie. I panicked the whole pregnancy had been rough, too. They stopped mid way just to check on the tie, but I was pretty worried.
Once they got him out and I heard him cry, that relief and stupid cavewoman instant love hit me like a train. I thought he was the most beautiful thing I had seen. I’ve since looked at pictures, and he was a big old boy and looked a bit like a swollen alien, lol. However, in that moment, it was sheer joy, relief, and unconditional love. He’s here, and this is it now. I have him forever.
When I felt real happiness for the first time in my life. I was in my early 20s and I was on a vacation in western Ireland with my sister. We were relaxing by the sea and there were like millions of shades of green around us, the air was so fresh and salty and I was laying on the grass while she was running around collecting mussels and shells. I was watching her and she was happy like a child, showing me her findings. We had a very hard life and she didn’t get to be a child often so seeing her so genuinely worriless almost made me cry. For the first time in my life, I knew what happiness was 🙂