Wife and I planned on exploring some new positions last night after getting the kids to bed. We were laying down looking through a Google image search of positions. Had a good laugh at some, and admitted we’d probably get stuck or hurt ourselves trying some of the others.
We agreed that we’d just go with the flow and see if we could find something we enjoyed after we got into it.
I suggested some foreplay and told her I wanted her to go down on me. She immediately said no, and that she just wanted to have sex. I asked why, since this is a common occurrence with her refusing to do oral on me. She flat out said, “I just really don’t enjoy it at all, and when I do it it feels like such a chore.”
This really hurt me and put me out of the mood almost immediately. It was quiet for a few minutes and then she asked me what I was thinking. I told her it made me feel like shit about myself and that it made me feel insecure. I also mentioned to her that now all I could think about were the times in the past when she did do it and the entire time she wasn’t enjoying it. And I also stated that now I feel like I could never ask for that again.
She tried to reconcile, she apologized for it being such a “harsh response,” and got on top of me to try and get me back into the mood. I declined and she got upset. Quiet for a few more minutes then we got up and put our pants on and went to bed.
She’s at work today and we haven’t texted back and forth much, and it hasn’t been brought back up. I’m not really sure where to go from here. Part of me feels selfish about it all and another part of me hurts that I need to be okay with letting go of one of the things I really enjoy in the bedroom.
For a little backstory, we’ve been together for almost 10 years, and married for 4. There’s been quite a bit of oral between us up to this point. Definitely more from my end for her, because it’s something I really like doing. We’ve always had a pretty decent sex life, I feel like I do a good job taking care of myself and I have great hygiene. This kind of came out of nowhere last night.
This obviously warrants a follow up discussion at some point, right? I’m having a hard time validating my feelings about it today. Should I just give up one of my desires because my partner isn’t interested anymore after 10 years together?
This was my first post here 😁