So my fiancé (35 m) and I (34 f) have been in a relationship for 5 years.
We have spoken about getting married for the past year and a half but we just got engaged two months ago.
I have two kids from a previous marriage that are middle school age and they are all very close with him, they get along great. However he does not help me care for them as we have not lived together for the majority of our relationship, my kids are older and independent when I am not around.
My boyfriend has mentioned quite a few times in the last year that he wants to have a baby together and that he always wanted kids.
Part of the reason that it has taken so long for us to become engaged and married is that my boyfriend has been irresponsible in his life leading up to this. He is very sweat and loving but he is terrible at actually taking care of normal things like chores or work.
The last two years he has been much better at it and we moved in together this year. We communicate if it seems like he is falling back into patterns of slacking and for the most part he keeps things together.
Well for the past week his two nephews and neice that are my kids age where staying with us visiting. He literally did nothing to help take care of them.
He doesn't help with my kids as they are older so I guess he assumed I would just do all the work caring for the kids as normal but the responsibility for his nephews and neice should be shared.
He was off work for the week to visit his family and I was still at work all day. Every day when I got home all the kids (they are between 12 and 14) would tell me they are hungry and haven't eaten all day except for the few snacks I set out for them.
I cooked dinner every night despite telling my fiancé that he needed to cook dinner some of the nights and feed the kids something for lunch. He never did any of it. I also told him to feed them lunch and left easy food set out for him to prepare and he just didn't do it.
After spending a week with him being completely unhelpful I have realized that I cannot have a child with this man. I cannot do all of the care myself and it seems like that's what I would be looking at.
I know he wants kids even though he apparently doesn't plan on helping with them at all. Should I call off the engagement?
TL;DR:
I know that having kids is important to my fiancé for the future but I know that he will be completely unhelpful with children because he doesn't ever help with them and didn't feed his nephews and niece all week. I refuse to have children with him because I know he wouldn't be helpful with them, should I call off the engagement?