TL;DR: Girlfriend of 3 months rapidly goes from saying I'm perfect and wanting to move in together, to suddenly finding flaws in me and wanting to break up, me trying to convince her not to, me finally agreeing, and then hours later, she calls me crying, saying she's sorry and didn't mean it, and begs me to come back to her. This has happened 10-15 times in July (I come back every time). What should I do?
Hi, 25 year old here, first relationship.
I have met my girlfriend initially on Discord in spring 2023, and we were just friends at the time because she had a boyfriend. This year, in May, we started dating, 3 months after she broke up with him. I was the one who asked her out (on April 24) a few days after she told me they broke up. She hesitated, and a week later (May 1) she told me she isn't ready for another relationship yet. I accepted it, sadly. A few hours later she messaged me saying she misses me and wants to talk, so I did, and eventually we agreed on a first date on May 9.
The first date was amazing, and since the first date, we have been talking for hours every day, video chatting on Discord, having such a great time. We're both gamers and know online culture and memes, so we had plenty of subjects to discuss. We've never had sex, but we met at her place several times and did sexual acts. She gave me a ton of compliments, saying how perfect I am, how beautiful I am, etc, and I gave her, so we were head over heels for each other.
Around 2 months into dating, she started showing concerning signs of instability regarding the relationship. She suddenly started telling me she's not ready for a relationship and she's sorry she started it at her turbulent mental state. It was painful to me, and I agreed to break up, but then she called me crying after a few hours, begging me to come back to her, that she made a mistake. I agreed, and this had repeated several times.
She has these times where she says I'm perfect and so beautiful, and then she has these times where she seemingly becomes emotionless, cold, calculated, and just talks about wanting to break up, encourages me to "run away from her as long as I could", encourages me to talk to other girls so I can get over her… In this state of her wanting to break up, she also suddenly brings up flaws in me, sort of de-valuing me from the "perfect" state she considered me at before – suddenly saying I'm too old, too hairy, not blond, etc. Many of these times I fight, asking her not to break up because we had great fun together, but when I finally give up and say "okay, we're breaking up then", she accepts it at first and then calls me crying hours later, regretting it.
When she's in this state of wanting to break up and I'm trying to talk her out of it, I'm telling her she'll regret it, and she says she won't and she's complete with the decision – but she always does. If she doesn't get attention from me for more than 4-5 hours, she won't leave me alone, calling me and begging me to come back to her. I'm weak – she's extremely attractive, funny, and smart, so I always come back to her, not saying "no".
I just don't know how to comprehend this. How can she go from calling me perfect and wanting to move in together, to suddenly pointing out flaws in me and wanting to break up, me trying to convince her to not break up (to no avail), me agreeing, and then finally her calling me crying after a few hours, saying she loves me and wants to come back?
I asked her about it and she said she feels like she doesn't control it, that it's something that gets in her mind (like an intrusive thought) that makes her want to break up, that she doesn't know what's happening to her.
What's going on? What can I do here? Just today she wanted to break up again and called me again crying after I ignored her messages on Discord after, because I was angry of it happening repeatedly for over 10 times now. Should I just block her?
She's so beautiful and smart, I just don't want to give up on her, so every time she wants to come back I agree. Am I making a mistake?