TLDR; Apologies I am all over the place. I'm 24, starting a job at Google soon, and running two small businesses which aren't profitable (I work/ want to work a lot, all the time), which leads to arguments with my girlfriend, 23, who's in vet school, because I work a lot, especially when she's on break. She thinks I'm overworking and will burn myself out or will live a miserable life as a workaholic, and should focus solely on the Google job, while on the other hand I want to secure our future and help my less wealthy immediate family. We're currently arguing because we are abroad in Europe in her home country, and I skipped a dinner plan to work, and she fears we'll end up like her parents, who argue about money.
Looking for advice on what to do.
I’m 24 and about to start a job at Google in 12 days. I also have two businesses that I work on a lot, but they aren’t making much money yet (Real Estate wholesaling and a video editing agency, the video agency is pretty much automated for my 3 clients btw, so my work mainly goes to sales and marketing for that). My girlfriend is 23 and in vet school for two and a half more years. She studies a lot, and I work a lot, especially since we’re in a long-distance relationship and don’t see each other often. She is a hard worker as well, but it's a different path. Advice on how to explain to her my vision for life would be greatly appreciated.
When she's on break and back home (like summer or winter break), I get stressed because I feel like I can't work as much as I normally do/ want to. I want to keep working on my businesses, but she thinks I work too much. She wants to spend her break with me, and enjoy my company. We argue because I don't enjoy events or traveling as much as I would rather be working. Every summer for the last two years, we have travelled, and her family pays for my plane ticket. I feel very guilty about this and want to repay them someday (which is just ANOTHER REASON as to why I work so hard, so I can take them on vacations too). During these trips, I spend half the time working from coffee shops, trying to get a real estate wholesaling deal or more clients for my video editing agency (last summer, it was applying to jobs all day).
I want to work/ work a lot (12-14 hour days, 6 days a week) now for the next 3-5 years to make our future great. She doesn't like that, she said she rather me work ONLY work a normal amount of time for the next 15 years and hang out 3-4 times a week, than me take a gamble and work extremely hard for the next 5 years on my side businesses while simultaneously working at Google, and say no to all hanging out or only go out once a week. (which I do decline hanging out with friends a lot). She also doesn’t understand why I work so much if my businesses aren’t profitable yet. The Google job will pay well (and free food lol), but I haven’t started yet.
She gets mad because I work so much and still get stressed about money, and don't want to ask my family for money. She's mad I don’t even want my mom to pay for shipping my luggage across the country for my new Google job. I told her I'll be making double her salary in a few weeks and she raised me, I'm not going to fret over her shipping my luggage, but I know she's probably resentful about her parents paying for my plane tickets to europe (WHICH I DECLINED BUT THEY STILL SURPRISED ME WITH ANYWAY).
I also tell her I want to get wealthy to help my family (current family and future kids) be secure with anything they need. My mom makes about $60k a year in Los Angeles. My dad died when I was 10 (he was a gang banger drug addict), and my step-dad was abusive. I have two younger half-brothers, I want to help my mom and brothers, and when I say this in a sort of motivational way, my girl gets upset because she says I already gave my old car to my 18-year-old brother and he never thanked me for it, and I basically raised my 9 year old brother, so she says my mom "doesn't deserve it".
She doesn’t understand why I want to help my mom, who spends money on name-brand stuff and is very superficial, and yeah maybe she's not the best mom. But I tell my girl I’ve always been protective of my family. We've all had it rough, I just want to learn to fish, give them some fish, and teach them to fish.
I also want to make my grandpa proud, he's 63 and still busts his ass 10 hours a day as a garbage man (physically grabbing and lifting the garbage cans, not that automated crane on trucks most places have), my grandma is a janitor at 63 too. I don't want them to work so hard anymore. I ALSO WANT TO HELP THEM. She gets mad that I want to help all my family (which is just my immediate family, 5 people, really??). My grandpa managed to buy 2, 3-unit properties (6 units in total) with his limited income as a garbage man and a factory worker, I find that so inspiring. Without him, my mom brothers and I would have had nowhere to go after my mom and stepdad's divorce, he was able to open up one of those units for us. I want to do what he did but at another level. He is just a true man who thought ahead not only for his wife and kids but future generations. He also had leaned the hard way and tells me all the time about family members and friends who took advantage of him, I tell my girlfriend this that not only do I learn from rights, but I also learn from wrongs (mistakes). My girlfriend just doesn't seem to get it, she says people will take advantage of me.
My girlfriend compares my family to hers, her parents are immigrants too, but they came from Europe to get their PhDs. They didn’t work below minimum wage jobs like my family did. Her family were doctors back in their country for generations. She says there's no excuse, and that her family also worked hard and can still help her out. We just don't meet eye-to-eye, and probably never will.
Right now, we're arguing because we're in her home country, and I didn’t follow through on a dinner plan I mentioned last week. This was after spending five hours at a local festival today. I just wanted to go back to the house and work. She said she doesn’t want to end up like her mom, who always argues with her dad about money. I told her that if her mom had been patient and let her dad work hard for a few years with no breaks, they wouldn’t be arguing now about money and would be richer than they already are. That really upset her, but I think it’s true.
I know she means well, but idk if she's just crazy or too intense. She was a D1 athlete and has an intense personality, which I like, but I was a bad student in high school, and transferred to the university we went to and I am more mellow. Maybe we just aren't compatible? She doesn't like partying which is good (we agree on that end), but she likes doing lots of activities, beach days, camping, travelling. I see those as a luxury and she can't comprehend how that's a luxury. I just feel guilty doing anything fun knowing my family is struggling, and knowing that my finances are on stilts as well.