Hey everyone. I'm not sure who to talk to about this and I need some advice about my current relationship. For context, we are both in university and have been together for over two years.
I (22F) love my boyfriend (23M), but I don't think I am IN LOVE with him. I feel as if he is my best friend or a family member. I love to talk to him, and we have similar niche interests, humour, and future goals, but I don't feel a "passion" or sexual "spark" with him. We barely have sex (once a week, but it feels like a chore), and when I think about having sex with him, I feel icky about it. I used to be attracted to him, but I don't find his face or body attractive anymore after he gained five stone over the past year. Obviously, I feel like a total asshole saying that, and wonder if he lost weight that I would find him attractive again? But I'm not sure if there was ever a "spark" to begin with.
In addition to this, I have a weird fetish (no, I will not disclose what it is, sorry) that I only find attractive when women perform it. In addition, I SOMETIMES find myself gazing at the women when watching porn and not the man. But I've never had romantic feelings for women, I've only had crushes and relationships with men exclusively. When we have sex, I imagine myself having sex with a woman or another man instead of him. Yes, I feel like an asshole saying that.
Also, based on the above sexual preferences, I wonder if I might be bisexual or at least sexually interested in women. A part of me wants to explore that.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you handle it? Any advice is appreciated. Also happy to answer questions for more information if needed.
TLDR; I feel no "spark" or attraction with my current BF. I fantasize about other women and men while having (not often) sex with him.