Cutting things off because of kids
Long post so bare with me. I (25F) and this guy (27M) have been romantically involved with each other for about 3 years now. We’ve never became official because of the fact that I have 2 kids and he doesn’t want kids.
When we first started talking obviously it wasn’t serious, but now that 3 years have passed it’s a different story. We’re basically best friends now. I mean, we do everything together. Play games, hangout, we’ve even gone on a couple vacations together. Not to mention we have a very active and intimate sex life.
He’s been around my kids not many times but a decent amount to where my kids know who he is. After all this time feelings have definitely evolved that are mutual between me and him and the way we are towards each other would indicate as such.
Recently we talked about what we are and what we plan to be and his answer still remained the same, “I don’t want kids so I don’t see how this would work”. I respect the honesty, I don’t respect dragging all of this out to the point that me and him both end up having massive amounts of feelings, creating so many memories, spending so much time together that we’re inseparable. If he felt so strongly about kids why did he keep pursuing me knowing that the most important people in my life are a deal breaker to him?
I told him it felt like he wanted me in his life to fill the romantic gap that he might need filled and that I’m just there to do just enough for him until he meets someone he wants to actually be with. I’m just really hurt and upset because my kids are my top priority and he knew this, but he still kept being involved with me knowing his stance on kids wasn’t going to change and it just really sucks.
I know not all the blame is on him because I understood how he felt and his reasons behind not wanting kids. I think as time went on I thought he was warming up the idea because of how much love and care he was showing me. I thought things were changing and he actually was going to want to be with me, but really nothing in his mind changed even though the way he acted towards me hinted at that.
I’m really just venting here and wondering if anyone has any advice on how to move forward? I’m really hurt by all of this and wish there was some sort of compromise me and him could come to. Anyone been through this before? How did you handle it? Is there any compromise?
TLDR: me and situationship got serious even after knowing his stance on kids now we’re in this really fucked up situation where we love each other but we don’t want the same things out of life