EDIT 1: A good friend of mine checked his social media and Sarah's. Looks like Sarah blocked my husband as well. Phew
EDIT 2: my husband and I agreed to marital counseling. If this fails, I'm divorcing him. Pregnant or not
UPDATE FOR: I never thought I would find myself in this situation, but here we are. For context, I've been friends with "Sarah" (30F) for a few years. We've been through a lot together, and I considered her one of my closest friends. However, recently, something happened that I couldn't ignore.
Over the past few months, Sarah has gotten close with my husband and I was pretty much okay with us all hiking and eating out together, she came to our wedding etc., however, all hours of the day, Sarah has been sending my husband (28M) a ton of messages and memes. At first, I didn't think much of it. My husband and I are both friendly people, and I know Sarah has a good sense of humor. But the frequency and nature of the messages started to make me uncomfortable. They weren't just occasional funny memes; it felt like she was constantly reaching out to him.
I tried to brush it off, thinking maybe I was overreacting, but the feeling persisted. I eventually talked to my husband about it, and while he assured me there was nothing going on, he got defensive saying nothing is going on. I allowed them to still hangout and I tried my hardest to not seem crazy, but yes, I feel crazy.
So, I decided to finally talk to Sarah. I approached her calmly and explained how her constant messaging made me feel uncomfortable. I used "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory and tried to be as understanding as possible. Instead of understanding or apologizing, she got defensive. She insisted that it was harmless and that I was being ridiculous.
The conversation didn't go well, and shortly after, she blocked me on all social media. I was shocked and hurt. I never wanted to end our friendship over this, but I felt disrespected and ignored.
I'm feeling a mix of emotions right now. On one hand, I feel justified in setting boundaries and protecting my marriage. On the other hand, I'm mourning the loss of a long-time friend.
Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you handle it? Any advice or perspective would be greatly appreciated.
THE UPDATE:: Hello everyone. I'm sorry for the sudden post removal yesterday. My post had violated a rule on this subreddit, and for that, I'm sorry if anyone was in the middle of reading it. However, I wanted to share an update with you all about how my talk with my husband went and I took your advice into consideration to have a discussion with him.
When he got off work, he called me, and we immediately didn't have a good start to the conversation. My husband thinks I'm "jealous" because he said it's not infidelity for her to send him memes and messages "once in a while." He said he never saw Sarah in that light and that he just really liked her just as a friend and he's told me that for many months and he's just sick of me accusing him of infidelity when he works hard for me to be a stay at home mom. He never flirted with Sarah. He also said he's incredibly happy that I'm pregnant and he wants to start a family so I've been a priority and not Sarah. However, he mentioned that he and his brother had grown somewhat distant from Sarah in the past because she was immature and has blocked many people throughout their friendship that I wasn't aware of. She's not good at taking criticism and has fought with other players when they went paintballing or at the gym and this is something Sarah likes to do is brag about blocking people. Hence why she blocked me. My husband mentioned other friends brought up issues in the past, Sarah simply blocked them. it's something Sarah simply does.
Anyway, when he got home, we hardly spoke, and there was a lot of awkwardness. I signed myself up for therapy because he didn't want marital counseling yet.
At night, we finally managed to talk some more, and I asked my husband if they blocked each other. He told me he hasn't checked but hasn't received anything from Sarah all day. I told him to block her; however, he doesn't believe in blocking anyone because he thinks it's immature and childish. He wants Sarah and me to salvage the friendship and he wants to reach out to her so we can have a chance to talk about the fallout.
His response about why he's so defensive about the friendship is not because of infidelity, but because he's disappointed that I ended a friendship that I held onto for so long and that Sarah held me in high regard. He thinks sending memes isn't any proof of cheating and he never flirted with her. He said he would heart her memes. He apologized for over sharing with her and he thought she was just offering a shoulder to cry on. He said he's mainly sad about losing the other guy friends that Sarah brought to the table. They were all gamers and went to the gym together, and he's going to miss that if Sarah and I don't reconcile the friendship. My husband is also sad about all the drama this has caused and how Sarah's guy friends are going to badmouth me because I confronted her. He told me it's too soon for marital counseling for him; I didn't want to force that upon him. Right now, I feel like I'm in limbo and don't have the strength to just get up and leave him if that's the answer you're looking for.
I will say I'm going to try to look at his phone myself when I have the energy, probably today, and confirm if anything is going on. It's easier said than done. A part of me believes him and that he doesn't like her, but their friendship still makes me feel weird. I didn't check his phone because I was going through a huge energy drain, and it wasn't good for my baby. I prioritized my well-being and kept things low-key. It was also terrifying for me and I guess I'm not strong enough for that just yet. I probably will today now that my husband and I talked more.