I (F19) him (M19 – together for a year with a break in between.
So, to start, I pay for most of our dates. Sometimes I cover the entire cost, and sometimes we split it. Out of all the times we’ve gone out, he has paid maybe once or twice. I understand that sometimes he might not have the money, but he earns significantly more than I do. Occasionally, I struggle to pay for things, but I don’t know how to tell him. I also pay when we order in, or sometimes he’ll pay me back for half. Honestly, I just don’t know how I feel about this. Overall, I feel like he doesn’t really care about me or see me as valuable.
In the beginning of our relationship, we talked about past relationships and gifting. He told me that he used to give his exes things often but got nothing in return. It’s weird because he says that our relationship is the most loving one he’s ever had (his words, not mine), yet he doesn’t do anything small for me. I don’t expect big or materialistic things, but he doesn’t even verbally express that he genuinely cares for me. Eventually, it gets to me because women are generally more emotional.
For his birthday, I went all out and spent well over £1,000 to make it special and make him feel important. I don’t mind that, and I’m not keeping tabs. However, recently I asked if he would pay £80 for me to get my lips done. He said yes, but when I asked him when he would have the money, he seemed uninterested. I told him it’s fine if he no longer wants to pay for it. Am I the AH for feeling let down and like he doesn’t value me at all?
I feel like this was a big ramble, but I would really appreciate advice on how to approach this and what to do.
TL;DR: My boyfriend doesn’t pay for things often, and I feel like the AH for feeling upset about it or even bringing it up because I don’t want him to feel bad, embarrassed, or forced.