In a few words, I (28F) broke up with my long-distance boyfriend (27M) two years ago and we hadn’t contacted each other since then because we knew it wouldn’t help us. I was the one to go away because at the time I was tired of the distance and felt like it was killing our love. I was a mess and it broke my heart but felt like I wasn’t right for him anymore and didn’t deserve him. I broke his heart and by this I broke mine too. Before that we were together for 2 years. Our relationship was not perfect but we always tried to sort our problems and we loved each other a lot. There was so much love.
The thing is lately we started talking again and two days ago we happened to be in the same city so we went for a walk and talked. Everything came back. I felt like I was home again. I told him I still love him and he said that too. We spent some time together and I felt happy again after a long time. We didn’t agree on anything, we just talked and said we should do whatever it feels like. I don’t care about the distance again to be honest. I lost him because I thought it mattered but it doesn’t.
My best friend and brother are against it though. It’s not because they don’t like him or whatever but because they both claim that once you’ve broken up with someone It means you should never be with that person again.
I told my best friend (28F) and even when I told her how I feel I should try it because it feels like emptiness without him, she insisted on telling me that she is against it. She started saying that after I told her we started talking one month ago and hasn’t changed her mind.
I also told my brother (30M) today. I just told him that we went for a coffee and talked, nothing else. He started saying all these stuff about me going back to him because I feel safe or because he is grown now and he makes things for himself etc. He told me that I’m lost and I need someone and that he is sure I can make it alone. I don’t feel like that at all though. I don’t have any motives or selfish reasons. I never needed anyone, I’ve lived single most of my life and I enjoyed it but after breaking up with my ex-boyfriend it was hell. It’s not like I cried every day or whatever. I tried dating people too, but nothing happened. It’s like I started being a robot or something. No feelings, just thoughts. Life just got dimmer.
After seeing him I just can’t share it with anyone because I know they will all react negatively. Most of my friends share the same values and opinions and I know they will say the same things. They will say things and make me feel like I don’t have strength or pride or independence because I’m thinking about talking to him again and maybe trying it another time.
I feel awful for two reasons now. Because I saw him and now I have to go back to reality and face my feelings and the long distance again and because my circle won’t accept it and make me feel like less of a person because I feel like this.
TLDR: I (28F) still love my ex-boyfriend (27M) and after seeing him and thinking about trying it again because he feels the same, people around me keep judging my decision.
5 comments
This happened to me too.I broke up with my boyfriend of about two years, but it felt wrong and we ended up getting back together.
We lasted about another year after that and then split for good.
I think if you both feel the same, you should give it another go, and it is simply nobodys Business but yours and his. Unless there is a reason that they are not telling you for them thinking you should not go back to him. Perhaps ask one of them to be very honest and say why they are against it? There may be something they are not telling you.
>I was tired of the distance and felt like it was killing our love…
>I don’t care about the distance again to be honest. I lost him because I thought it mattered but it doesn’t.
>now I have to go back to reality and face my feelings and the long distance again
So essentially you broke up because of the distance. The distance is still a problem (at least I think it is? I quoted these parts of your OP because I can’t make any fucking sense of them). Why would things ever be any different this time around when you still have the same problem that broke you up in the first place?
>once you’ve broken up with someone It means you should never be with that person again
It always depends on the reason why you broke up – in case of cheating/ abuse, I agree. In case of compatibility or life goals – those may change over time, so getting back together could work. In your case: Is there any perspective that you could end up in the same place at any future point? Because having a long distance relationship for the next 30 years doesn’t sound very enjoyable.
The fact that so many friends/relatives are against it is probably because they picked up the pieces of you after your last break-up, and they don’t want to go through that again.
Agree that your friends and family might not want to pick up the pieces again. When I was leaving a bad marriage, a friend told me that you only get to call on friends and family for support one time – so you need to be sure.
I would suggest that you keep your re-connection between the two of you until you know where it goes. Avoid other judgements and opinions and explore possibilities. Besides it isn’t their life or business.
If it works out and you two are together…your friends/family will be happy for you. If not, you do not need to burden them with round 2 of your disappointment.
Normally on these I ask “was the problem that led to you breaking up solved?” but it’s uh pretty clear this time that it was not solved and you’re probably going to be feeling the same down the line.