So I've found myself to have some second thoughts about my relationship of 2 years and I recently compiled a list of things I want in a man and which are currently not what my boyfriend has. I love him so much and we've talked about spending our lives together so in a way it always just felt like we'll make it through everything and that we should be together but now I'm having some second thoughts.
Here are the things I want:
– Chemistry – there has to be a spark and physical attraction (I'm attracted to guys that are stronger and bigger than me and make me feel more feminine?)
– Plans dates and makes an effort to keep the relationship in a good place – does things for me to make me happy not just cuz I asked him but cuz he wants to do those things genuinely and sees how important celebrations and events are for me. I recently told him this that I hate being the only one to plan dates (he planned 5 over the course of 2 years and I either planned the rest (including trips) or I asked him if he was good with a certain plan and the ones he did plan were after I told him I want him to plan a date). He recently got the message that this is important to me and has started planning dates and all but this went on for 2 years and those feelings of disappointment and sadness simmered over 2 years and even though I want to forget those I can't.
– Basically tries to take the lead in the relationship in making me feel happy and just acts more like a man who can take care of me and take charge at times (especially in bed)
– We're sexually compatible and the sex isn't just good half the times, but most of the times. I genuinely want to want him and wanna jump his bones
– He does what he says he'll do is and reliable and doesn't let me down or make me sad because he didn't do something he said he would
– I feel like I can bring anything up to him without being scared of his reaction or having to walk on eggshells because I think it'll hurt him
– Supports me in front of others such as friends and family and defends me
– Doesn't yell at me or raise his voice (happened more in the past but I can't get over it)
– I need romance – the kind where I don't have to ask and he just does it – thoughtful gestures and sweet words out of nowhere or random paragraphs telling me he appreciates having me in his life – showing me that he does through his actions
– plus: Makes an effort to look good (works out, healthy weight, dresses well, maintains his hair, has a skincare routine and doesn't just leave tje house without looking at his face and making sure nothing is on, etc)
– I genuinely feel excited to have a future with him and not just want to marry him cuz it's been long enough and it seems like the next right thing to do
I do also love many things about him – the way he loves me so much and wants to spend time with me, how much he complements me, buys me gifts I want for special occasions but there are just some things I cannot get past, especially the fights we've had (he once started a fight in front or my grandma and that day we almost broke up but I just couldn't bring myself to leaving him because I am so attached to him and vice versa).
So my question is: are these things that you have compromised on or things that people normally compromise on? Am I being unrealistic in wanting all this from one person?
TLDR there are many things I love about my bf but some things I wish were there but aren't and idk if that's enough of a reason to leave or if we should try and work on it (more than we have already talked about) and if it's even realistic to ask for all these changes?