I have been dating a girl for around 3 months, and I love her and we’re compatible and she’s super funny. However, there are only two states that our relationship really exists in. One is where she’s blowing my phone up and texting me 10+ messages about everything that’s happening. And the other is where she has shut down because of her depression and she barely talks, eats, or does anything. It’s really taxing to deal with, and I don’t really know what to do about it. I would just like to find a middle ground, but I’m scared to bring up her flaws because she can be very insecure and I don’t want to hurt her at all.
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Would I be an asshole if I broke up with her, or at least confronted her about her being either too overbearing or shutting down emotionally? I feel really terrible about wanted to put myself first. Also, I haven’t seen her in two weeks because of summer (college relationship), and I don’t talk to her a lot because of her work (no service). I honestly don’t mind either of those and that scares me..
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TL;DR – My girlfriend of 3 months is either really overbearing or shuts down because of her depression. Is it fair for me to feel like I want some space and alone time because this is emotionally overwhelming?
4 comments
You need to get out of this completely before you end up drained.
At three months in, you should be having butterflies nonstop and be eager to see her any time you can.
This relationship is already over – formalize it and move on. She’s not in a healthy enough place to have a relationship, and SHE has to be the one to fix her. You can’t drag her out.
having been able to empathize with the girlfriend in this scenario, communication is absolutely necessary. your girlfriend may feel really confused and blindsided but let her know that you aren’t upset and don’t want to break up. let her know how important she is to you and ask her what SHE needs to help her. if she doesn’t know, try out different things. some people want people to keep asking them until they break, some really don’t, for some it depends on the day. ask her to be open with you when she is feeling depressed and to let you know how you can help, even if it just means to sit there with her or leave her alone. with time you will figure out how to know what she needs and when without asking. as for the overbearing texts, you probably just have to deal with it if you really love her.
Her mental health issues are her responsibility, not yours. If you are happier without her, that’s all the sign you need.
Make sure to stay firm on course.