We have been together for 10 years and married for 4. Like any couple we have our ups and downs but my wife now says she deeply resents me and her resentment for me only grows. She cannot see me as the same because I was unavailable emotionally when she needed me most and sees our marriage ending when we have a 2.5 YO and 4 month old.
It's been very difficult situation, I've been very busy at work which is essentially a small business and our deadlines are statutory, our newborn was born a month before the deadline so I was already stretched thin between work and the baby, which was the worst possible time for me to help with the baby. Furthermore, my wife's mom (my MIL) had a stroke and was in poor health before the stroke, so all hell has broken loose. Given my work situation, a newborn, and loved one in poor health, my wife and I are in survival mode because my wife is also the caregiver for my MIL.
So between taking care of all the house chores (dishes, laundry, taking care of the older kid), helping with the baby, working late every night, and helping my disabled MIL, I had no energy for supporting my wife emotionally as I was exhausted everyday. She struggled with postpartum depression and when she reached out to family for help, no one would come. She asked for more of my help and attention but I was not able to support her as I had no energy myself. When my work situation improved, she first told me it made her angry that I was more relaxed and available to help more.
Fast forward to today, she can't see me in the same light and I have pledged to gain back her trust and provide the security she needs but does not believe me. If I had to do things over again, I would have dropped everything at work even if it meant me losing my job although she understood the importance of meeting my deadlines. Now that I am more available and her mom is doing better, she can't let go of her anger towards me for not being there when she needed me and sees our marriage ending soon. She says we're two people sharing the same space but not actually together. How do I fix things between us and save my marriage?
tldr: I was unable to be available emotionally for my wife after the birth of our second child, her mom had a stroke, and I busy with work demands but still did all the work around the house. She sees me as abandoning her in her time of need.