Hi, everyone. I'm (M25) really struggling in my relationship with girlfriend (F25).
We live together, and I feel completely burned out. My girlfriend often struggles with insecurities and anxiety, and she sometimes expresses suicidal ideations. I'm always trying to support her emotionally, which leaves me exhausted. I feel like I’ve become her "emotional battery," and it’s starting to affect my mental health and academic performance. This sounds so awful because partners should be there and support each other but I just have this perception that I am doing all the giving. I don't even know how she supports me or what I need from her at this point.
I’ve tried to ask for space, but she gets hurt and upset when I do. She wants to do everything together, and I hardly have any time for myself. I'm in school and super involved and I feel like I have no more time to decompress or do anything for myself or alone. I think that I may be independent to a fault and I'm tired of failed relationships and being a serial monogamist.
She believes that in a relationship, I should be willing to do things I don’t want to because she wants them, but I feel like I'm losing my independence.
The logistical part of breaking up is also daunting. We live together, and I’m not currently employed but will likely be getting a job at my school soon, but finding a new place feels impossible. But the relationship is draining me so much that I'm starting to feel resentful and tired of constantly compromising my needs.
I know this isn't healthy for either of us, and I feel stuck. I want to be compassionate, but I also need to prioritize my own well-being. I think I am just possibly a mean person because she has started commenting on and observing things I do or say and I'm unhappy with myself for being like this. But I just don't want to try anymore or put in the work because I am hitting my limit of being able to be her rock and stable anchor. If anyone has been through a similar situation or has advice on how to approach this conversation, I'd really appreciate your thoughts. I feel horrible for getting to this point and I know I've been supportive for her, but we just constantly fight and she wants to talk about every single little thing. We end up nitpicking at each other's actions and words so much and the late night dialogues are sucking the life out of me. I don't honestly think I am the protagonist here and believe that my personality and psyche is just flawed. I can be very mean and the trope "its not you its me" feels very real currently. I don't think that I am uplifting her or providing value. How do I even begin a conversation with her and what can I say to express myself without feeling incredibly guilty or walking it all back because I feel compelled to try and support her after she inevitably has a mental breakdown at the realization that our relationship may be on its last legs?
TL;DR I am running low on my ability to support my girlfriend, her mental health is tanking, and I cannot come to terms with my identity. I am not enough and I've burned out and checked out on the relationship in noticeable ways. I am overwhelmed by every aspect of my life and have no idea what I am going to do in the very short term.