Edit; I was worked up all day thinking about this, but exhausted when I got home and didn't have the energy to make a big fight about it. I said she can either stay here and work on things with me or she can go to Europe for the rest of the year – if she wants to stay there, then we're done. She said she appreciates it and will think on it. It sounds like she is leaning towards the trial separation.
10 years together. Mostly been good, but this 6ish months has been a little rocky.
I started confronting my wife on her workaholism lately. I've been second chair to her work for the past 3 years. She travels to Europe for work a few months out of the year. When she's home, she's always answering emails and filling out spreadsheets and doing unpaid overtime because she just loves her job so much. Much more than me.
I've tried to be the perfect husband. I take great care of my emotional and physical health, I'm a doctor, I make time for her, she hasn't needed to cook, clean, or get groceries for 2 years because I take care of it, I plan all of our dates, I helped her through her chronic illness the past 5 years, I studied emotional communication and learned to open up for her, I'm always emotionally available, I always check on her needs and try to anticipate them.
Im not the best partner, but I always try to improve. I've made so many deliberate actions to be a good partner and to get better every day.
And now she wants to leave me to chase some dream of living in Europe without me.
I'm lost. I feel used, embarrassed, and ashamed. We planned our lives together and this wasn't supposed to happen. She mentioned wanting to move there over the years, and she knows I don't want to pack up and it's not easy for me to leave my practice, especially while I'm still burdened with debt. I don't even speak the language and have very little interest in learning just to pursue this dream that isn't mine.
We've talked about it before, but this is the first time she said she "wishes there was some drama so I can just leave and not feel bad about it".
I'm resenting every dish I've washed for her, every time I drove her to her medical appointments, every time I did something because she was too sick from her chronic illness. I was never her partner, I was just a tool.
Fuck this. Why did she do this to me? I deserve better.